Chapter Seven (Let Me Let Go)

Previously, on "Memoirs Of A City Girl":
Ch. 6 (Feels Like Home)
-The phantom abdominal pain returned when I got home, and I had flashbacks of having a positive pregnancy test in Bridgeport.
-I didn't wake up until 3 p.m. the next day.
-The Fox family didn't have an adoption ad that day, so I visited the Schmidt household to adopt a dog instead.
-I met Benjamin, a bearded, tattooed repairman, whom I found strangely attracted to.
-I didn't bring a dog home, but we exchanged numbers.
-For the first time in a while, I looked forward to someone's call.

Location: 1012 Pomona Promenade

Date: Monday, 10/24/11

Time: 7:00 a.m.

The warm morning sun wakes up from its own slumber, shining its light onto Appaloosa Plains.  It exposes the true colors of the houses, buildings, trees, landscape, river and rolling hills.  A new day is here.  Gone are the misgivings and disappointments of yesterday.  The sound of birds chirping merrily take me away from my dreams, slowly waking me up.  The ray of sunlight invading my window gently caresses me, as if to say, "Good morning."  I stretch my arms out as I let out a deep groan.  The butter yellow color of the ceiling holds my interest for a moment before my eyes move to the window.  A glimpse of the blue lake nestled between the green rolling hills warm up my heart, bringing a smile to my face. 

Anxious to greet the glorious view, I leap out of bed and run towards the window.  The glow of the sun reflects on the water now, casting a white color on the lake surrounded by peach.  I can see myself on a boat, gently skimming the surface of the water as I feel the cool air on my face.  I can feel the splash of water on my skin, cooling it off under the hot afternoon sun.  It's just me, my boat and nature.  It's the only way I can truly understand the beauty that surrounds me by giving it my undivided attention, basking in its presence.  I can feel a sense of peace in my heart as I close my eyes, looking forward to that day when I will get to explore the rest of my backyard. 

"One of these days, I promise.  I will finally get to meet you." I whisper softly to the lake in front of me.



After my mind comes back to reality,  I head to the stable to let Mr. Nunu out.  My heart melts at the sight of him.  If he was a dog, he would be next to me on my bed, keeping me warm while I sleep.  Then neither of us would have to be lonely at night.  But alas, he is not a dog.  He's a horse.  One who has grown to trust me and let me in his world.

"Hi baby!" I greet him happily.

His eyes smile back at me as he snorts.



"Why don't you get some fresh air while I eat breakfast, okay? I'll be back." I reassure him as we walk to the paddock.



In Bridgeport, I normally make a protein shake before I head off to the hospital.  I would go over the things I need to do that day as I mix the almond milk, whey protein, frozen fruit, greek yogurt and honey with a hand blender.  The sound of morning traffic would already seep through the living room as I watch the news, sipping my smoothie with a straw.  I can hear cars honking and the angry voices of very impatient people..or at least people who haven't had their morning coffee.  Then I laugh at the absurdity of it all...people who actually believe that their show of self-importance is actually going to make the cars go faster.  How come I never realized that until now?

Just as I get ready to make a protein shake, my mind takes me to Bridgeport again.  I'm in the kitchen, looking for two 24 ounce tumblers.  I find them on the dishrack by the sink.  One is orange, the other one is blue.  Mine is the orange one.  His is blue.  Even though he doesn't have to be at his office until 10 a.m., I always make a smoothie for him before I leave at 7:00 a.m.  I would leave it in the freezer so it doesn't melt when he wakes up.  Sometimes he would sneak up behind me and wrap his arms around my waist, whispering "Hey sexy" to my ear.  I would gasp in surprise, expecting him to still be in bed, his warm breath making my neck tingle.  I would lose my breath at the feel of his body behind me.  Then I would turn around to look in his pale blue eyes, losing myself in them. 

"I thought it was over, baby
We said our goodbyes
But I can't go a day 
Without your face
Goin' through my mind
In fact, not a single minute
Passes without you in it
Your voice, your touch, 
Memories of your love
Are with me all of the time"

" 'Hi baby.' I would reply, a smile taking over my face.  With his arms still around my waist, he would lean in to kiss me softly.  I would close my eyes as the feelings burst from within me, escaping with the increasing movement of my pulse.  Our kiss would become more passionate, making it necessary for me to pull away. 'I have to go to work.'

'Not yet.' He would insist, finding my mouth again.  I would put my arms around his neck, lightly running my fingers through his raven hair.  The sight of the kitchen clock reminds me that I have to be somewhere else.

'Mmm...I'm gonna be late.  I really have to go, babe.' I plead, still tasting his luscious lips.

'Alright.  But we're not done.' He grins with mischievous eyes.

'Is that right?' I chuckle, shaking my head.  I grab my purse, feeling an anticipation of what waits for me when I get home tonight. 'Bye sweetie.'

 I kiss him on the cheek before I head out the door.  He pats my ass."

Sadness and longing fill my heart as I stare at the carton of almond milk.  I don't want to go to that place right now.  Not with him.  So I decide to ditch the shake and eat butter pecan ice cream instead.  I'm on my own.  I can do whatever I want.  If I want to eat ice cream for breakfast, I'll eat ice cream for breakfast.  Whatever it takes to make these damn memories go away.

"Let me let go, baby
Let me let go
If this is for the best
Why are you still in my heart
Are you still in my soul
Let me let go"



"Noooooooo!!" I freak out when I notice that the toilet lever feels loose.  It's not flushing.  To make it worse, I don't know anything about fixing toilets.  "Are you kidding me?  The toilet doesn't flush?  I just bought this house!" 

At least there are still two bathrooms upstairs.  Last time I checked, they both work.  Then I remember that I bought the property on impulse, without looking inside.  Serves me right for not doing my research first.  But what was I supposed to do?  Sleep in a hotel while Mr. Nunu roams the town? How am I supposed to fix this thing now?

Benjamin.  I can call him.  Yes.  Bearded, rugged, handyman Benjamin fixing my toilet.  Shirtless with a toolbelt.  The thought makes me giggle...and almost glad that the toilet broke.  Almost.



"Hi, baby. Mommy's back.  Did you sleep well last night?"

To my delight, he nuzzles my face.  I feel giddy inside at Mr. Nunu's first display of affection. 

"Awww, thank you.  I love you too, sweetheart."



Thinking that Mr. Nunu is already trained, I try to make him do the high jump.  Big mistake.  He runs towards it, but stops immediately, causing him to go forward.  Panicking, I tug on his reins so hard, he pulls back.  At that moment, hanging on this back, nearly falling off, I am paralyzed with fear.  He could land on me if he loses his balance.  I imagine myself on the ground with a crushed skull and broken bones, bleeding internally.  This could very well be my last moment alive.



Admitting my foolishness, I use the low jump instead. 

His feet pass over without any problems.  What a sweet taste of success, even if it's a very small one.  What matters is that he is doing this with me as his handler.

"Good job, Mr. Nunu! What a good boy!" I praise him as he completes another jump.



It looks like the jumping practice wore Mr. Nunu out. 

Knowing that he will eventually have to learn the high jump, I ride with him to the Equestrian Regional Training Grounds after his nap.  Who am I kidding?  I don't know anything about training horses.  Its time for riding lessons.



After registering and paying, I'm told to wait by the training area.  It's nice to see Mr. Nunu  around other horses as well.

"Hi, Lyn?" I hear a man's voice behind me. 



I turn around.  I'm greeted by a pair of light hazel eyes.  My heart skips a beat.

"Yes?"  I reply, feeling nervous all of a sudden.

"I'm David.  I'm your instructor." He offers his hand, smiling.

"Oh.  Hi." I mumble as I shake his hand.

Oh hi?  Really? That's all you can say??

*Copyright 2011 Lyn C.S.*
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"Let Me Let Go" by Faith Hill
Video by: granako