Chapter Five (Need You Now)

Previously, on "Memoirs Of A City Girl":
Ch. 4 (Just The Two Of Us)
-Scattering hay for the first time, I realized how much work living on a ranch involves.
-As I brushed Mr. Nunu, I gained a new-found respect for the presence of his size.
-He likes being groomed, and I assured him that I will take care of him.
-He let me stroke his face just a little bit longer.
-As I spanned the glorious view from my backyard, I began to understand why I moved to this town.





Location: The Watering Hole Saloon
Date: Saturday, 10/22/11
Time: 9:21 p.m.

Later that night, I decide to go out.  This house is just too big and quiet, and it will give me too much time to think. About the family I left behind. The friends I will probably never see again...at least not for a very long time. The life, hopes and dreams that I gave up...with the man that I spent the last two years with. Seeing his face in my mind brings a stabbing pain to my battered heart. Those pale blue eyes that have the ability to make me lose my breath when they gaze into mine. I can't even think of what went wrong right now. I won't make it a week in this town if I let myself get vulnerable.

What's the best way to move on? Should I just get out there, meet people and have fun? That's exactly what I'm going to do. There are no clubs in this town, but I passed by this bar called The Watering Hole Saloon. Wow. I haven't heard the word saloon since I watched one of those 1800's western movies when I was a kid. Seriously, who still says saloon these days?



When I pull up to the front, the presence of this historic-looking building is hard to ignore. It has two stories with a wrap-around porch. The original architectural detail is still evident. I can just imagine former residents of this town arriving in their horse and buggy, ready to unwind after a hard day's work. Since this is a saloon, the majority of the customers were probably drunk, sweaty, bearded men. And the few women that actually frequented this place were probably...women of the night.

As I pass through the swinging doors, I can hear the vibration of roots music playing. The place smells like a mixture of cigarettes, damp wood, cheap bar food and beer.

I'm already feeling apprehensive. This place is nothing like the posh, modern lounges and dance clubs in Bridgeport. They're not even playing the type of music I like.



I expected fat, greasy old men in leather jackets that look like they could be related to Chewbacca. Instead, I see two men who look pretty...normal. Hmmm...maybe they just moved here too.  Neither of them are really my type, but at this point I guess I can't be too picky. It wouldn't hurt to make some new friends in this town.



"Hey, you wanna dance?" The man in braids asks as he approaches me.

Do I really feel like dancing with him? He doesn't look very friendly. Ah, what the heck. Maybe that's what I need.

"Sure."

It takes us a few minutes to find the dance floor. Only to find...none. What kind of saloon doesn't have a dance floor?? We end up dancing behind the bar.



"You're cute. What's your name?" He asks.

"Umm..thanks. I'm Lyn. What's yours?

"Zac. I haven't seen you around here."

"I just moved here."



He gets this really intense look in his eyes, which creep me out a little bit. I'm not sure if he wants to drag me into the alley to have his way with me or if he's just really into the music. I don't think I'm ready for this type of attention quite yet. I wait until the song finishes to thank him for the dance.

"That was fun." I mutter.

"You wanna go again?"

"Actually, I'm going to get some food. Thank you though." It's true. I'm starving.



Mmmmm...chicken wings. I haven't had these in a long time.  Buttery, salty and greasy.  My worst sinful nemesis, but they are soooo good.  My mom would always fuss at me about my eating habits, but all of her nagging just made me want to rebel even more.  



I see another guy by the bar. To my disappointment...he's not my type either. Behind him, the one with the glasses is starting to look decent. Compared to the other two. I guess it's true what they say. Hotness depends on who you're being compared to.



"Hi there.  I'm Lyn.  I saw you downstairs." I offer my hand.

"Ohhh...hi.  Nice to meet you, Lyn.  I'm Kenji." His hand feels nice and warm.

"Are you from around here?" I make an attempt at conversation.

"No, I'm not. I just moved here about a month ago. I'm on an archeology assignment, so I'll be here for a year."

"You're an archeologist?"

"Yes. I'm from Sunset Valley. That's where I grew up."

"That's awesome. I'm from Bridgeport myself."

"What about you? What brings you here?"

It's more like what made me leave Bridgeport. Change the subject.

"I just want to get away from the city. A change of pace, you know?"

"I know what you mean. Bridgeport is a a big city. It can get really hectic."



"What kind of music do you like?" He asks.

"All kinds, as long as it's created by talent. What about you?" 

"I love classical music. "



"I just bought a ranch. Well, it's more so my horse can have a place to sleep." For some reason I feel comfortable telling him this.

"Haha. Lucky horse. What's his name?"

"Mr. Nunu. He already stole my heart." At that comment, he holds his gaze just a little bit longer and smiles.

"He sounds awesome."



Out of the corner of my eye, I see a woman rubbing her belly. She looks like she's about four or five months pregnant. The side to side motion of her hand on her belly causes me to clutch my own stomach. Flashbacks of excruciating pain rudely interrupt my thoughts, making me wish I can just go inside a dark hole and hide.



The sight of the mixologists' ridiculously endowed chest distracts me from the phantom lower abdominal pain for a second. But it doesn't last long.  It feels like I'm being split in half from the inside, causing me to take sharp breaths.  



Even Kenji's attempt to get to know me can't snap me out of my own mortifying discomfort.

"Picture perfect memories
Scattered all around the floor
Reaching for the phone 'cause
I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I
Ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time"

To make matters worse, this song comes on. The sound of his name seems to echo through the room.  It's as if he just barged through the swinging door, and everything stops frozen, even time.  He dances around me like a cruel ghost, taunting me...haunting me...reeling me into the past like a fish trying to escape the fierce grip of a hook.  Is this a joke? Is somebody really messing with me up there??



"I have to go." I interrupt, as I start to feel suffocated.  Now I wish I had stayed home.

"Already?" Disappointment takes over his face.

"Yeah. I'm just tired."

"Here's my number. Call me up if you ever want to hang out or if you just feel like chatting." He offers as he hands me a piece of paper.

"I will. Have a good night."

"You too."



I had to get away from that place. Seeing that pregnant woman and hearing that song just triggered bittersweet memories of him and pieces of the life that we used to share. It was all too much to deal with. Running to the car, I take deep breaths just to prevent the tears from falling. They are drowning my eyes, and they feel very heavy.

Just make it to the truck. Just make it to the truck.



As soon as I close the door and turn the keys, the tears cascade down my cheeks. They burn on my skin. They wet the top of my blouse. And just when I thought fate had the last laugh, the very same song that I ran away from comes on the radio.

"It's a quarter after one
I'm all alone
And I need you now
Said I wouldn't call
But I've lost all control
And I need you now"

Wiping my tears, I stop running from the words. I stop fighting the pain. This is the first time I have allowed myself to think about him. This is the first time I have allowed myself to miss him.

And just like the song, I need him now more than ever.

*Copyright 2011 Lyn C.S.*
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"Need You Now" by Lady Antebellum
Video by: LadyAntebellumVEVO