Ch. 29 (In My Veins)
-Luke had this strange need to visit Hangman's Tree park, even though neither of us have ever been there. Somehow, he knew where to find it.
-When we got to the top of the lookout, he told me that he felt very uneasy around the barren oak tree, and he had flashbacks of a couple.
-I didn't want to freak him out, so I decided not to ask him if they looked like Emma and Jesse.
-Later that night, I saw him standing by my bedroom door just when I was about to go to his room.
-After a luscious embrace, he carried me to the bed.
-He looked at me like I was covered in chocolate, just ready to devour me.
-He started kissing my inner thigh, but he stopped.
-He asked if I needed him to hold me instead.
-I said yes, and fell asleep in his arms.
*Strong language, sexual references*
Location: 1012 Pomona Promenade
Date: Monday, 10/31/11
Time: 9:25 a.m.
The warm morning sunlight caresses my face, forcing me to slowly open my eyes. Luke. Just the sound of his name makes me smile. It's like a warm breath gently blowing at my heart, making me shiver. I still can't get over the look on his face when he was standing by my bedroom door last night. Shirtless, looking so damn hot, with this intense look in his pale emerald green eyes. And when he took me in his arms and hugged me so tight, I felt like a big glob of jello, slowly melting towards the wooden floor. Every inch of my body was screaming to feel him, to taste him, to just surrender myself to him. Then he picked me up so effortlessly and carried me towards the bed. Be still my foolish heart. A delicious, shirtless fireman carrying me, like he was rescuing me from a burning building. Perhaps rescuing me from myself. Screw the friendship. God, he could have done whatever he wanted with me. I would have been his bitch. I don't care. I wanted him so bad, I was ready to hump his leg.
Suddenly I become aware of something furry brushing against my arm. I look down to find a brown teddy bear dressed in jean overalls. Awww, how sweet is this?? I clutch this soft bundle of warm fuzzies in my arms, squeezing it, as I grin from ear to ear. It even smells like his cologne...masculine, woodsy, yummy. I am seriously about to rape this man right now. I don't know where his sexy ass is hiding, but he's in big trouble. I don't know how he expects to last another day here if he keeps pulling shit like this. You can't beat Brad's ass, bring back my dog, be a shoulder to cry on, hold me while I sleep, carry me towards the bed, kiss me on my inner thigh, look at me like you're about to eat me alive and surprise me with a teddy bear, while I'm freaking sleeping, and expect me to keep my grubby hands to myself.
Where is he??
Still carrying the teddy bear, I run down the stairs, nearly tripping over myself from excitement. He must be in the kitchen making breakfast. But to my disappointment, I don't smell anything cooking, nor do I hear any commotion. When I scan the kitchen area, he's nowhere in sight. He's not there. A strange feeling comes over me, as if something is wrong, as if something is missing in this house. It feels unusually quiet. A part of me wonders if he's outside with Mr. Nunu and Nikki, but I keep getting this nagging thought to check his room.
I rush up the stairs to see if his black travel bag is still next to his bed. It's gone. No, it's not possible. He couldn't have left! Maybe he already packed ahead of time, and he just wanted to put his bag away in his truck.
My heart sinks at the sight of the empty driveway where his orange truck used to be. He's gone. He's actually gone!! He didn't even say goodbye. My chest begins to feel hollow, like someone just carved my heart out, with every single artery painstakingly sliced off. This is nothing like the pain I felt when I lost my baby and when I caught Brad having sex with my sister. This is...different. It feels like my soul has been abandoned. It feels like a part of me just left...and I'm all alone. Really alone. Not just in this house or this city, but this whole world. How is this possible, when Luke has only been here for two days? Why does it feel like he's done this before? I cling to my teddy bear as I try to hold on to the only piece of him I have left: his scent. It triggers the same intense, inexplicable longing that I felt in my dream. God, I miss him. I miss him so much.
I continue to stand there, frozen, unable to move. I bury my face in the furry comfort of this stuffed animal as tears escape my eyes. I imagine that it's Luke's strong arms wrapped around me, his scent caressing my face gently. But it's not helping. In fact, I feel even worse, knowing he's gone. I was doing fine by myself, even without Nikki. Even when I had noone to talk to, at least I had Mr. Nunu. But Luke just had to come here, and act all heroic, all kind, all sensitive, all fucking sexy, everything that Brad should have been, to do what? To leave me hanging like this?? Just when my poor heart opened up to him and got attached to his presence?? Damn you, Luke!! Damn you!!
"When I look into your eyes
I can see a love restrained
But darling when I hold you
Don't you know I feel the same?"
After feeling like a moron for crying in front of the driveway in my nightgown, I decide to go back inside. All I want to do is curl up under the sheets and sob on my pillow, but that's what I've been doing since I left Bridgeport. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of feeling disappointed. Why can't I have any luck with men? Maybe I should stay away from anything that has a penis. Wait, Mr. Nunu has a penis. I love Mr. Nunu. Okay, any human being that has a penis. But damn, how long is that gonna last? I can't go vegetarian, I need my meat! Well, screw meat! It's done nothing but make me feel like crap. From now on, I'm eliminating penis from my diet. No more penis!! Penis is bad for your health! Mmm...Luke's penis. I wonder how big it is? No!! Be strong! Penis is pure evil!!
Yup, I'm going crazy. I need to start working again. So I decide to check the Appaloosa Plains School District website to see if the Science position is still available. To my surprise, it's still there. I know I just applied a few days ago, but the wait is killing me. I need to visit the school to find out if they're still interviewing. I've never taught before, and the idea of working with high school kids terrify me, but maybe I need to follow a different path with my life. With this ephiphany, I print out my resume, cover letter and references.
Location: Appaloosa Plains Public School
Time: 1:11 p.m.
After taking a quick shower and picking out an outfit, I drive to the school with my documents ready. The sight of the campus is a bit overwhelming. It's a large school with a red brick exterior that's hard to miss upon pulling up. The grounds are nicely landscaped with dark green,well-manicured lawns and freshly trimmed azalea bushes. There are several flags waving around with the subtle breeze, letting me know that I'm in new territory. Even the building next to the main entrance towers over the whole property with its domed roof, making me wonder if it's the gymnasium or cafeteria, or both. This is so different from the hospital.
As I walk towards the main entrance, I pass by several high school and elementary kids. My pulse races at the possibility that they could be my students soon. How do I even talk to them? How do I get their attention? Will they listen to me or will they just roll their eyes like I'm a joke? A sudden pang of fear takes over my thoughts, making me wonder if I should go through with this. I am a year away from finishing my residency. I worked so hard to get to this point, I can almost taste my title: Lyn Santori, M.D. But they don't have any residency slots available at the local hospital, and who knows how long I'll have to wait if I apply? I had to wait almost a year just to get accepted into residency at the Bridgeport hospital. There's no way I'm sitting around the house that long, just waiting! For the sake of my bills and sanity, I need a job NOW.
As I step inside the main office, a woman with long black hair and light mocha skin is sitting behind the counter. I can hear the tap tap tap of the keyboard as she stares at the computer screen.
"Hi, can I help you?" The tap tap tap immediately stops as soon as she looks up at me with a smile. Her warm brown eyes put me at ease, letting me know that I'm not bothering her. In Bridgeport, it's not uncommon for a receptionist to look annoyed when something interrupts them from their work...or personal phone conversation.
"Yeah, I was just wondering if the Science position is still available. I applied online at the district website but I haven't heard anything yet." I briefly look down at my manila folder just in case she asks for my resume.
"Let me find out for you. Please have a seat."
"Thanks."
"Dr. Weston, there's an applicant that's asking about the Science position. She wants to know if it's still available...uh huh...okay, I'll let her know." She briefly looks over at me before she hangs up the phone. "Maam?"
"Yes?" There goes that word again. Maybe that means something else here.
"The principal is on her way right now. She wants to meet you."
"Oh...that's great. I wasn't expecting that at all." As soon as I heard the word "principal", my pulse ran out the door. I am officially shaking in fear. I was only supposed to drop my resume off. Not get a freaking interview! I haven't even prepared for it yet!
"She's really nice. You'll do fine." She flashes me a reassuring smile as she eases herself back to her chair.
"Thank you." I take a deep breath as I try to absorb the positive vibes she's sending my way, hoping it will give me the confidence I need to impress the principal. Dr. Weston. Dr. Weston. Why does that name sound familiar?
A slim woman in her late 40's/early 50's with milk chocolate skin, dark brown eyes and shoulder-length black hair sprinkled with silver, appears in front of me. Her striped light grey suit tells me that she conducts herself professionally, but the yellow camisole peeking from under her jacket suggests that she may also have an easy-going side. I cannot mess this up.
"Hello, I'm Dr. Weston. I'm the principal of this school." She extends her hand as a subtle smile forms on her face.
"Hi, Dr. Weston. I'm Lyn Santori." I immediately raise up from my seat to accept her hand. "Nice to meet you."
"Nice to meet you too, Miss Santori. Thanks for your interest in the position. Let's talk in my office." Her handshake is firm, no-nonsense.
I try to ease my nervousness by trying to get a feel of her office as I take a seat. She has several diplomas on her wall, along with miscellaneous certificates of completion. Her desk is free of clutter, with only a laptop, phone and pen basket as necessities. There's one picture frame sitting on top of her desk but it's facing her, so I can't see what her family looks like. I assume she's married with children, who are probably young adults or teenagers.
"Miss Santori, I'm going to be upfront with you." She leans back on her chair with a solemn look on her face. "This position requires a certification in Science, grades 6-12. It also requires a teacher that will be able to deal with students of varying abilities and needs, especially high school students. Now, I prefer someone with experience, but even the last teacher couldn't handle this job. And she has taught for five years at this district. Do you understand?"
"Yes maam." My eyes widen at the word that just came out of my mouth. Whoa, I just said maam! But why does it feel right, like I'm showing her the utmost respect?
"Since the last teacher left, we've had five different long term subs. One was certified in Science, but he didn't even last one week."
"I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe they just haven't found the right teacher."
"You know, you are the only applicant that said that. Everyone else asked how bad the students are." A sparkle briefly flashes in her eyes as she studies my face intently.
"So I see that you have a bachelors in Biochemistry, and you were a medical resident in Bridgeport?" She asks as she scans through my application.
"Yes maam. I was two years away from completing my residency and earning my license to practice medicine."
"That's impressive. So what is a would-be doctor doing applying for a teaching position in Appaloosa?"
"Can I be honest with you?"
"Please."
"There were events in my life that forced me to think about what I really want. Becoming a pediatrician has been my dream, but it feels as if that dream has been decided for me. So I want to explore my options."
"That's understandable. You should pursue what you love, whether it's medicine or teaching."
"So Dr. Weston, what kind of teacher do these students need?"
"They need someone that wants to be here, that wants to help them succeed, and cares about them as human beings. Someone that acts as a role model. Someone that is not afraid to be challenged because Lord knows they will test you. Someone that sees past their behavior, and tries to understand where they're coming from. We haven't found that person yet."
Just listening to Dr. Weston sends icy chills all over my body. I feel as if I can be that person, if she'll give me a chance. These kids need someone that believes in them, that can help them, that won't disappoint or abandon them. I know the feeling too well. I want this job more than ever, now that I know what happened with the other teachers. Yes, there's a huge possibility that I'm way over my head, and they may even scare me to quit on my first day, but I have to give this a shot.
"I believe I can be that person. You just have to give me a chance." I look her straight in the eyes, giving her all of my hopes and good intentions.
"I have a few more interviews to do, but I'll be making my decision by the end of the week." She raises up from her chair to walk towards me.
"Thank you for the opportunity. It was a pleasure to meet you." I extend my hand. That's it? She didn't even ask me anything else. I try to hide the growing disappointment in my face with a smile.
"You too, Miss Santori. Thank you for stopping by." She firmly shakes my hand as she walks me out.
On the way home, I keep replaying everything that was said during the interview. Everything was fine until I asked her what kind of teacher the students need, and she spelled it out to a tee. I believed I could be that person, I just felt it in my bones. Why did she cut the interview short? Was it something I said? There were so many things I wanted to ask her but I didn't even have that opportunity. Damn it, did I just mess it up? Ughh, why did I have to be honest? There was no need for her to know about my personal life.
Usually I have a good feeling if I aced an interview, but with this one, it felt like a good date gone mysteriously wrong. Did I have a boogey on my nose? Did I have green spinach sticking out of my teeth? Or did she think the kids were going to eat me alive, just because I'm young?
Well, it looks like I'm back to square one. I need to see what other jobs are available, even if they have nothing to do with schools or hospitals.
"Do you need some time
On your own?
Do you need some time
All alone?
Everybody needs some time
On their own"
Location: 1012 Pomona Promenade
Time: 9:08 p.m.
Later that night, my cell phone rings. The sight of Luke's name on the caller I.D. makes my stomach twist into all kinds of knots. I don't know whether to ignore it or answer it since I am still pissed at him. But at the same time, I am beyond relieved that he called. It shows that I'm on his mind, and he's man enough to give me a good explanation for why he disappeared.
"Well, well, well. If it isn't Mr. Fireman." I try to frown so he can feel my evil wrath, but my mouth betrays me with a smile. Nah, Mr. Fireman doesn't quite fit. More like Mr. Hot Ass. Or Mr. Yummy Man Pie. Or...
"Lyn, I can explain..." His voice sounds deep and velvety, sprinkled with a hint of guilt. Damn you, Luke!! Damn your sexy ass voice!!
"Oh, you better. And it better be good."
"I couldn't stay. Especially after last night...I was losing control."
"You could have told me that in person. I would have understood. You didn't even say goodbye!"
"I know...I'm sorry. I just didn't want to do anything that would ruin our friendship. I hope you can understand."
"Screw our friendship!"
"Haha. No, seriously..."
"Fine, I forgive you. But don't do that again! Oh, I wanted to thank you for the teddy bear this morning, but you...you know...LEFT!"
"You're welcome. Do you like Smokey?"
"Awww, you named him Smokey? I love him! And he smells like you too." I grin, feeling my heart going pitter patter.
"I thought he'd keep you company since I'm too far away."
"Awwwww!!"
"So how was your day?"
"It was good. I decided to cut penis out of my diet."
"What?? Did you just..."
"Yes, I said penis. I'm on a penis strike. No more penis!!"
"Haha. What the hell?? You are crazy."
"From this day forward, I'm a vegetarian. It's better for my health."
"Are you sure about that?"
"Yes. Oh, by the way! I got an interview today for a high school Science position!"
"Oh yeah? How'd it go?"
"I don't know...it was really short. I don't think I got the job."
"They'd be crazy not to hire you. You'd make a great teacher."
"And when your fears subside
And shadows still remain
I know that you can love me
When there's no one left to blame
So never mind the darkness
We still can find a way
Nothing lasts forever
Even cold November rain"
"So...you're really swearing off meat?" His voice becomes velvety again. It feels like he's blowing hot air into my ears, sending shivers down my spine.
"Yes..."
"Damn. That's too bad."
"I know..."
"Good thing I left."
"Why do you say that?"
"Because..."
"What? Tell me."
"I would have messed up your diet."
Oh, my God!!
"Lucas Rossi! Friends don't say things like that."
"Oh...sorry..."
"Luke?"
"Yeah?"
"Can you stay on the phone til I fall asleep?"
"Of course...I'm here. Talk to me."
*Copyright 2012 Lyn C.S.*
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Author's Note: Wow, I can't believe this is the 30th chapter. This is crazy. I just wanted to thank all of you for giving this story a chance, and for your continued support. You are the reason why I write. :-)
"November Rain" by Guns N' Roses
Video by: GunsNRosesVEVO
