Chapter Twenty-Eight (Somewhere In Time)

Previously, on "Memoirs Of A City Girl":
Ch. 27 (Fade Into You)
-It was the perfect night to stargaze at the lake with the full moon and brights stars coating the night sky.
-Sitting by the water, next to Luke, felt surreal.  It was so easy to talk to him, like I can tell him anything.
-I spilled about my dream of being rescued by my knight in shining armor like in Pretty Woman but he called me a hooker.  So I punched him on the arm.
-He spilled about his search for his Lois Lane, which I thought was adorable.
-I learned that he majored in Criminal Justice in college, but that subject triggered memories of Brad.
-He held me in his arms while I sobbed and screamed uncontrollably, finally releasing all of my anger and pain.
-I felt so vulnerable, like I was stripped to the very core of my soul, and all I wanted to do was hide.  But he wouldn't let me.
-That intense moment with Luke awakened something deep inside of me, a part of me that I never knew existed.
-When we got home, my longing for him was so consuming that I asked him to make love to me.
-He denied my request.  He didn't want to ruin what we have.
-He held me in his arms instead.

*Strong sexual content, strong language*



Location: 1012 Pomona Promenade
Date: Sunday, 10/30/11
Time: 2:07 a.m.

Lying next to this wonderful, sexy, shirtless man is going to push the limits of my self-control.  Here is he is, on my bed, with his hand across my back, pulling me painfully close to his delicious body.  So close that my face presses against his hard chest, tempting me to gently run my tongue across his warm skin.  His woodsy, masculine scent invades my brain, fogging up my thoughts.  God, I want him.  So damn bad.  With my emotions on high alert, my body wants to feel him.  All of him.  How can he expect me to fall asleep when I feel like I'm going to explode?  He just saw me in my most raw, vulnerable state.  

As my hand slowly traces the muscular ridges on his washboard stomach, I can feel the increasing movement of his heart.  Damn, he's cut.  I watch his mouth part slightly as he squeezes his eyes shut, as if he's trying to contain the cries of his body.  My gaze travels back to my hand, which is absorbing the smoothness and warmth of his skin.  When it finally reaches his chest, he bucks, sucking in his breath.  

"Shhh...go to sleep." He murmurs under his breath as he squeezes my wandering hand before it goes any further.  

"But..." Inside, I'm silently screaming.  The fact that he keeps resisting my advances baffles me, yet makes me want him even more.  Noone has ever refused me like this.  With Brad, all I had to do was give him "the look" and he was all over me.  

"Maybe I should go back to my room."  He whispers as he starts to shift away from me.

"No, stay here! I'll be good, I promise."  Admitting my defeat, I move my hand back to his stomach and let it stay there.  What is wrong with me?  Why am I acting like this?



The sound of his breathing, as well as the rise and fall of his chest, hypnotizes me into a serene state.  My pulse begins to wane down until it matches his...beating...beating....beating.  My eyelids can no longer stay parted.  They become very heavy, until they sink into each other the way my body is sinking into the bed...into Luke.  I can no longer distinguish the objects in the room as they become blurry.  Darkness takes over as I close my eyes, letting my mind go, allowing my thoughts to drift into a sea of the unknown.



The organic smell of leather lingers around my nose, slowly bringing me back to consciousness.  As my eyes open up, I become aware of a man next to me, holding me close.  When I turn my head towards his face, panic starts to set in.  I don't know who this man is, nor do I know what he's doing here.  At the same time, there's something about his familiar masculine scent that's disarming, as if I should trust him.  My eyes begin to wander around the room.  There are objects that I've never seen before.  Wood paneling, ivory-colored antique lace curtains and brass candle lamps softly glowing.  Even the bed I'm lying on looks different.  Instead of a wooden headboard, it's supported by brass.  It feels like my room,  but it doesn't look anything like it.



"Mmmm...I can die like this..." His warm breath brushes against my neck as he rests his chin on my shoulder.  

"Jesse..." To my surprise, this name escapes my lips effortlessly.  The constant rustle of fabric each time I shift my body forces me to examine the gold-colored  chiffon gown that's constricting my body.  I can hardly breathe, yet I feel strangely feminine.

"Yes?" His beard grazes my shoulder as his hot mouth envelops my skin, making my whole body collapse on the bed in weakness.  His name is Jesse.   I've only known him for a few minutes, and he's already drowning out my ability to reason.

"Mmm...Jesse..." I savor the softness of his moist lips as they travel down my back, sending a wave of tingles down my spine.  His hand follows the curve of my waist as he presses himself behind me, making me gasp at the bulge forming inside his pants.  

"Come with me." 

"Where are we going?"

"You will see."



As he sits in front of the piano, my eyes become fixated on how different, yet familiar the living room feels.  The bronze candle lamps mounted against a sea of wood paneling evokes a warm yet simple energy of a different place in time.  A sofa and loveseat with intricate lace patterns sitting atop curved cherry legs  take up the space of my white suede furniture.  A soft crackling of the fireplace illuminates the dim room, but a pattern of crimson bricks now replace the plasma t.v.  The only objects I recognize are the large marble sculptures of a man and a woman in the corner, as well as the old cherry desk where my computer used to reside.  Everything else, especially the piano, I've never seen before.

"May I play you a song?" Jessie's voice brings my gaze back to the way his fingers lightly graze the keys on the piano, as if he's warming them up.  

"Yes, of course." The sounds coming out of my mouth are different, more delicate, more soft.  I have no idea why I'm speaking like this but I feel like another person with each minute that passes.



"I cannot get this song out of my head.  I need to share this with you...or I will break into a thousand pieces." His liquid brown eyes burn into mine, filled with deep loneliness.

"Oh Jesse...I can't wait any longer.  Play it for me." My heart skips a beat in anticipation as I curiously wait for his fingers to move.  He lets out a deep breath and flashes me a warm smile before he takes the first stroke.

I close my eyes as the soft, haunting melody penetrates through every molecule in my body, caressing my heart, slowly invading my mind with Jesse's love.  I find myself floating with him in an ocean of white clouds, leaving our shells behind so that we can be free to only love each other, without fear, guilt or shame.  It is just us.  Without a body, without identity, without Earthly obligations,  just our energies merging into an eternal swirl of bliss.  I become so overwhelmed by my longing for him that I can barely breathe.  My cheeks feel warm.  Hot tears escape my eyes as the song continues to squeeze my heart mercilessly until his finger touches the last key.

"Emma? Don't cry.  It was not my intention to make you sad." He quickly rises from the chair to cup my face with his hands as he looks deeply into my eyes.

"That song is so beautiful..." I wrap my arms around his neck as I pull him close, afraid that if I let him go, he will vanish.

"It's called 'Somewhere In Time'.  I cannot remember where I heard it before, but I know it somehow." His hands roam up and down my back as he buries his face on my neck.



"Why? Why did you leave?  We were so happy...I loved you!" I snap at him as the memories of our past come flooding back.  Now I'm filled with anger  at what could have been as the old feelings return.  

"Emma, I had to fulfill a duty to my country.  You knew that."

"Rubbish! This was not about war.  Tell me the goddamned truth!"

"You want the truth?  You deserved the best of everything.  You deserved a life fit for a queen.  But I could not provide that for you."

"All I needed was your love.  But you left me.  You broke my heart!"

"You married another man, Emma! You could not wait for me!" He grabs my face possessively as his mouth devours my lips, forcing them apart with his tongue.  A soft moan escapes my throat as my heart stops momentarily, his tender lips sending a jolt of electricity down my spine.  I try to push him away but his arms circle my waist, his strength hampering my ability to move.  

"Stop...please..." I find myself going limp in his arms, as my protests grow weaker and weaker.  Instead of pushing against his chest, my hands become entangled in his thick, raven hair.  The deeper his tongue probes inside my mouth, the harder I tug at his hair, until his pain becomes indistinguishable from my pleasure.



"Tell me...can he make your body quiver like this?" He pushes up the layers of fabric until my thighs are exposed.  His hands fervently trace them, burning my skin as he spreads them apart.

"No!" I try to move his hand away but he's already tugging at my knickers.

"Can he make you drip with desire like this?" His fingers skillfully stroke the swollen flesh hiding behind the silk fabric, making me gasp in surprise.  My thighs close in on his fingers as I arch my back.  Now his finger is moving inside me, filling this throbbing need to have him.  All of him. Deep inside.  My mind may try to spell out all of the reasons why he should leave, but my body remembers him now.  My heart recognizes him.  He is the man that has the ability to make me scream in ecstasy with a mere touch of his hand.

"No! Please, stop!" My mind still continues to protest, despite my hips gyrating against his hand.

"Keeping fooling yourself, Emma.  Your body doesn't lie." His eyes roll back as he takes a whiff of his hand, then sucks the sticky moisture off his finger. "Mmmm...you have no idea how much I miss this."  

He spreads my legs apart again, moving the fabric of my knickers out of the way before his tongue glides over my wet flesh.  

"J-Jesse...please...s-stop...mmmm..." I let out a deep moan as he holds on to my thighs, burying his face deep between my legs, his mouth holding me captive while his tongue gently flicks over the most sensitive part.  I run my fingers through his hair, pushing his face further until my body explodes in a million tingles, making my thighs shudder uncontrollably.  Just as my legs start to give out, he picks me up and carries me towards the piano.  As he unzips the back of my dress, I watch it drop to the wooden floor with a light "swoosh" sound.  Now I'm standing in front of him with just my knickers and corset on.  I feel very exposed, and vulnerable.

"You're so goddamned beautiful." He curses as he pulls my knickers down, watching it slide past my shoes.



"Oh, Jesse...take me now, please.  I can't stand it." The piano keys feel cold against my bare cheeks as a few random notes come out.  I prop myself up by one arm while the other hand pulls him closer.  
"When is your husband coming home?" His liquid brown eyes are conflicted with raging jealousy and deep desire.  He spreads my legs as his thumb strokes my sensitive button, causing me to whimper impatiently.

"Tomorrow.  Hurry!" I lay on the piano, wide open, waiting for him to ravage me like he used to.  The kids are asleep upstairs.  Abigail can come down at any minute and catch us.  John can wake up crying, looking for me.  My husband can walk through the door any second if his plans changed.  But the only thing I know is me and Jesse.  Right here, right now.  Nothing else seems to matter or exist.  My hunger for him is so consuming, it hurts.

"Tonight, you're mine." He wraps my thigh around his waist as he plunges inside of me, making me cry out so loud, that he covers my mouth with his hand.  "Where are the kids?"

"A-asleep...up...s-stairs...mmmm..." I moan with each thrust as his hand grips my ass, burying him even deeper inside me.  He stretches me.  He fills my loneliness.  He takes over my thoughts, he steals my heart, he makes my soul shiver.  I miss him.  God, I miss him.    



"Do you feel me, Emma?  Do you feel me inside you?" He whispers under his ragged breath as he runs his tongue up and down my throat.

"Yes, I feel you...God, I feel you!!" 

"Look me in the eye and tell me you don't think about this.  Tell me you don't love me.  Because I sure as hell still love you." 

"Oh Jesse...I..." The truth in his eyes is so overwhelming that I look away, unable to face my own self as I lose myself in his deep thrusts.  Suddenly, I am overcome with intense guilt.  I married another man to get back at him for leaving me. I married another man so I can have a comfortable life, so I won't have to worry about my future children.  I married another man...while my heart still yearned for Jesse.  But I was too selfish to have any kind of faith in us...in him coming back.  I love my husband and my two children.  I love the life that I have now.  I have everything I've ever wanted.  But when I'm lying in bed at night, when the kids are asleep, when I can no longer ignore the silence in my head, I see Jesse's brutally handsome face.  

"Say it!" His voice thunders across the living room as his hips move faster.  

"Yes, damn you, yes!! I still love you, you bastard! I never stopped.  Mmmm..." I cling to him as tears roll down my cheeks.  When I said my vows to my husband, I convinced myself that passionate love is foolish, that it can never be sustained.  Having a good man and a secure life was what I needed, and I started to believe it...until Jesse came back to my life.

"Emma...Emma..." He mumbles,  taking his final thrusts.  I cover his mouth as he explodes inside of me, along with the muffled sounds coming out of his mouth.  I find the courage to look deep into his liquid brown eyes again, feeling more vulnerable than ever, as the last convulsions leave his body.  My heart feels like it's slowly melting, unable to keep its own composure or strength to fight the feelings stirring inside.  I am a married woman.  That's deeply in love with another man.



"It's best if I leave." He mutters as he puts on his jacket.  

"No, you can't.  You can't do this to me again, Jesse!" I reach out behind him and pull him close as I try to prevent him from moving another inch.  My pulse is still racing from the mind-blowing experience we just shared.  How can he get me all worked up like this, get me to fall for him again, then leave?

"Then choose me.  Be with me.  Let me take care of you and your children."

"It's not that simple..."

"It's a choice.  You make one, you live with it."

"Jesse, please don't make me do this."

"I love you, Emma.  But I will not share you." He gently pulls my hands away from his chest.  Without even turning back to look at me one last time, he heads for the door.  I want to scream, but I'm afraid I'll wake the children up.  



"When is father coming home?" Abigail asks as she spreads the melted butter over her pancakes.  

"He'll be home tonight, darling." I reassure her as the thought of breaking up this family just kills me inside.  

"Nom...nom...nom..." John happily stuffs his face with oatmeal as he smiles at me.

"How's my little peanut? Is it tasty, Jon Jon?" 

"Nom...Jon Jon play." He flashes me a mischievous smile before he throws some of the gooey oatmeal on the floor.



"Goodnight, my darling.  Mother loves you." I kiss his forehead as I gently place him in his crib.  

"Mama." He babbles, still reaching out to me.    

"Time for bed, Jon Jon.  Goodnight." I hum a song  as he lays on his back, sucking his thumb, until his eyes close.



"And they lived happily ever after.  The end." I close the book when it reaches the ending.

"But...what about...the..." Abigail fights the drowsiness in her eyes, but she is no match for the sweet promise of slumber.

"Shhh...go to sleep. We'll talk tomorrow, my love."  I whisper as I stroke the silky strands of her raven hair.

"Goodnight, mother.  I...love...you..."  

"I love you too, Abigail.  Goodnight." I kiss her forehead. 



As I lie in bed, Jesse's face invades my mind.  Vivid flashbacks of our bodies tangled up on top of the piano makes my pulse race again, taking away my ability to breathe.  I can no longer deny our feelings for each other, nor can I ignore the way my body reacts when he's near me.  In the six years that I've been with my husband, I have never felt anything like I've felt with Jesse.  Sure, it's nice when we make love, but I've never been consumed with so much gut-wrenching, mind-numbing passion.  Why did he have to come back?  He has awakened this side of me that I've repressed for years.  How can I possibly go about my business as if nothing happened?



"Hello, my dear.  Did you miss me?" His gentle voice interrupts my thoughts as he stands by the bed, a smile taking over his face.  His black suit makes him so polished and distinguished, with not a wrinkle or pleat on the fabric.  As a successful banker, he travels on a regular basis to generate more business for the community.  We own one of the largest houses in Appaloosa, as well as several acres of land in the undeveloped areas.  

"William..." I sit up, trying to hide the guilt behind my eyes.  I can still feel Jesse's hands and mouth all over my body.  I can still smell him on my skin.  Even when William moves towards me, I secretly pray that he's too tired to touch me tonight.   Damn you, Jesse!!     



"Damn you, Jesse!! Damn you!" I scream as I wake up in the dark, my heart feeling like it's going to burst through my chest.  Suddenly, I feel someone's hands on my shoulders, which freak me out even more.  I push and kick as much as I can in an attempt to get away. "Get off me!!" 

"Lyn, it's okay! You had a nightmare." A man's voice appears out of nowhere as strong arms restrain my upper body.

"Who's Lyn? Get off me!!" I squirm, but I am no match for his strength.

"It's me, Luke.  Shhh...just relax." He whispers, loosening his grip as my body stops fighting.  His voice is starting to resonate in my head.

"Luke? Where am I?"  I frantically look around the dark room.



As the lights flicker back on, I find myself scanning the room.  The wooden panels, antique lace curtains and bronze candle lamps are gone.  I spot my laptop on the desk, as well as the white suede ottoman in front of the loveseat.

"What happened?" He asks as he sits up, his light green eyes assuring me that I'm back in the present.  But it still feels like Jesse is here somehow.  

"I don't know...but everything felt so real.  I was Emma...and I had a husband named William...and a daughter named Abigail...and a son named John---" Everything just spills out, as fast as they appear in my mind.

"Slow down...and breathe..." He rubs my back as he looks at me with a concerned look in his eyes.  His eyes.  There's something about his eyes.  They may not be liquid brown, but they illicit the same deep, soul-wrenching longing that I experienced not too long ago.  It feels like dejavu all over again.

"It was here...but a different time...and Jesse was here..." I find the courage to look into his eyes again.  They pull me in, making it impossible to look away.  

"Who's Jesse?" 

*Copyright 2012 Lyn C.S.*
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"Somewhere In Time" by John Barry
Video by: Aldo Pastrana