Chapter Twelve (You Don't Know My Name)

Previously, on "Memoirs Of A City Girl":
Ch. 11 (Who's That Boy?)
-I called Adam to let him now that I'm okay, which made me emotional.
-I finally felt ready to find a job, so I headed to the hospital.
-To my surprise, Brad was there, and our eyes met.
-I was in such shock that I started to have severe chest pains.
-Everything went dark.
-This triggered flashbacks of when we first met at the Bridgeport library.




Location: AVJ Wellness Center
Date: Wednesday, 6/29/2009
Time: 8:46 p.m.

"Baby, Baby, baby
From the day I saw you
I really really want to catch your eye
There's something special about you
I must really like you
Cause not a lotta guys 
Are worth my time"

The closer he gets, the more my breath gets caught in my throat.  A part of me wants to run in the other direction just to avoid the intensity of his gaze, yet a part of me is beyond thrilled to see him again.  Ever since our brief exchange at the library, I couldn't get him out of my mind.  His eyes, his face, his voice, his lips and his smile haunted me at every waking moment.  Oh, how I wished I was able to talk to him a little longer.   I would go to the library everyday hoping to run into him again but to no avail.

Of all the times to bump into him again, it had to be when I'm in my gym clothes with pigtails, all sweaty.  Why couldn't it be when I'm dressed up so I can act all sexy and mysterious like that girl he was with at the library?  She looked flawless and feminine, like she just came out of a magazine.  Serves me right for being a tomboy growing up.  Instead of playing with dolls, I climbed trees.  Instead of having tea parties with the girls, I played football with the boys.  The only problem was that they saw me as one of them, so when it came to girls that they liked, I always counted myself out.

"Hey..." He greets softly, snapping me out of my thought.  He looks just as surprised to see me, but there's an urgency in his pale blue eyes. 

"Hey..." I reply calmly, hoping he won't notice that my tanktop is a little wet from the sweat induced by the treadmill.  What happened to hello? Hi?  All I can say is hey back?  His eyes subtly scan me from head to toe, from my pigtails, down to my lips,  to the moist spot on my tanktop, all the way down to my legs.  I'd do anything to get inside his head, just to know what he's thinking.  Are they naughty thoughts?  Or is he appalled at how grungy I look?  Most women would be offended if a guy looked at them like that.  But the way he does it, with those eyes, it feels like he's undressing me.  And I don't want him to stop.



"We gotta stop meeting like this."  He whispers mischievously.

"I know.  What would my husband think?"  I play along, holding his gaze.

"Then we'll just have to be very careful." His smile reeks of impure thoughts that my imagination can only wonder about.

I don't talk to guys like this when I just met them, but our playful interaction is making me say things I normally wouldn't say.  I don't know what it is about him, but I just want to take him in the men's bathroom and have my way with him.  Maybe it's his tattoos.  It gives him an edge, as if he doesn't care what people think.  With those eyes, that smile and those tats, I can imagine him taking charge in bed, making me beg for more.



"I don't know. "

"About what?" 

"I don't know if you can handle it.  I'd hate to break your heart."  Oh my God, what am I saying??                    
"Is that right??" His eyes light up.    

"I mean, I'll only be using you for one thing." Who are you?? Stop talking!!      

"Damn.  Just like that?"  He leans closer, even more intrigued.   

"Just like that."  I whisper in his ear, feeling so provocative.  I don't know who this person is, but she's a vixen!  And I can't control her.  For all I know, I can be speaking to a guy with a girlfriend or worse yet...with a wife.  I don't know anything about him other than his name.  But  a part of me know's its definitely getting his attention.  A guy like him probably gets bored easily with girls, and it will take a confident woman to keep him on his toes.      
                                                                                               


"Hey, what's up, Brad!" I hear a guy yell out behind me, interrupting our repertoire,  so I turn around.  Who is that? He's cute.

"What's up, Jason!"  He nods in return.



"So where were we?" He asks, eyes eager to hear what's next.

"Oh, something about breaking your heart." I smile playfully.

"Haha. You are ruthless." He chuckles, shaking his head.

"Nah. I just like to be upfront."

"So are you really married?" He asks, but his once playful eyes are now serious.



Before I can answer, the blonde guy named Jason approaches us.  Now he's shirtless.  Oh Lord, what is this, the hot guy convention?  Feeling overwhelmed by all the sweaty testosterone, I try not to look directly at their muscular bodies.  It's one thing to talk seductively to Brad since I feel comfortable with him, but in front of another guy?  I don't want him to think I'm that kind of girl, picking up strange men at the gym.  Then again...isn't that what I'm doing?



We both look at each other as if our secret meeting had just been interrupted.  Now he's probably wondering if I'm playing around or if I'm really married.  Curiosity burns in his eyes, and for a moment, it creates a cloud of frustration between us.  Whatever this thing is that we started, it seems to be lingering in the air, waiting.  Just waiting.

"And when we had our first kiss
It happened on a Thursday
Oooh it set my soul on fire
Oooh baby baby baby
I can't wait for the first time
My imagination's runnin wild
It feels like oooooh
You don't know my name"



"Hey Brad, you never introduced me to your friend." Jason observed, eyes on me.

"Oh. Jason, this is---" He looks annoyed.



"Hi, Brad!" A blonde girl interrupts, planting herself right in front of him.

"Oh hey, Marina." He doesn't sound too enthused, but he flashes her a smile anyway.

"I've been calling you." She bats her eyes, trying to get his undivided attention.

"Yeah, I've been busy." He hesitates. Ouch.  The kiss of death.



"Oh really?  So when are you available?  I'd love to hang out again."  She persists.  What does "hang out" mean?  Is that booty-call hang out or spend-time-as-platonic-friends hang out?
Then I get this crazy idea. To see if he notices, I start flirting with his friend Jason.



"Those workouts are really paying off for you." I stroke his ego,  scanning his body from head to toe.

"Oh, thanks. I try to stay in shape." He looks surprised at my comment but he's eating it up.



"Maybe we can work out together one of these days." He offers, eyebrows raised.

"Well---" Oh crap.  I didn't think he would flirt back!



"She's already here with me." Brad quickly cuts in with a hint of possessiveness in his eyes.

Whaaat??? Is he jealous?



"Oh. I didn't know that." Disappointment takes over Jason's face.

"So Brad, are you free this weekend?" The blonde girl makes her presence known again.

"I have to check my plans." His eyes briefly meet mine before returning to hers.

"Why don't we talk in private?" She asks as she pulls him away.

First the girl at the library, now her? How many girls does he exactly know? This one sure doesn't take no for an answer!



Admitting my defeat, I decide to go home.

"Wait!" Someone calls out from behind me.



I turn around.  The sight of him walking towards me makes my heart race again.



"Where did you go?" He asks, catching his breath.

"Well, I saw that you were busy. I didn't want to interrupt."

"Oh, you mean that girl? She's just a friend." He explains.

"Suuuure, that's what they all say." I smile teasingly.



"No, really.  I have one class with her."

"She's quite persistent, isn't she?"

"I guess you can say that."

"I think she likes you."



"You think so?"

"I think so."

"But I'm not thinking about her."

"No?" I let out a deep breath.

"No." His eyes are serious.

"Who are you thinking about?"

"This hot married woman that's only after one thing." His pale blue eyes burn into mine now, making me lose my breath.

"Oh." That's the only word that escapes my mouth.  My cheeks start to feel warm.

"What's your name?" He whispers, eyes glistening.



"Brad!  There you are!" That same blonde girl comes up behind us.

Are you kidding me??



This time, I head straight to my car.  Girls seem to follow him everywhere, and I'm just not sure if I'm cut out for the competition, even with my fake married-woman persona.

*Copyright 2011 Lyn C.S.*
---------------------------------------------------------

"You Don't Know My Name" by Alicia Keys
Video by: aliciakeysVEVO

Chapter Eleven (Who's That Boy?)

Previously, on "Memoirs Of A City Girl":
Ch. 10 (Big Girls Don't Cry)
-Jackie's owner turned out to be my neighbor.
-I found out that Mr. Nunu belonged to the previous owners of the house.
-I received an email from Brad, telling me how worried he is and he still loves me.
-Reading his email made me very emotional, so I clung to Mr. Nunu for comfort.
-I saw a ghost across the street.

*Strong Language*



Location: 1012 Pomona Promenade
Date: Wednesday, 10/26/11
Time: 11:24 a.m.

I've never been so happy to wake up with the sun beaming down my face.  Seeing that ghost last night really creeped me out, and it took me almost an hour just to fall asleep.  Paranoia set in, making me wonder if it would appear by the foot of my bed, staring at me.  Now my heart is racing thinking about Brad's email.  His words keep playing in my head over and over.  God, I miss you.  I think about you all the time.  I have never stopped loving you.  It's as if he's whispering them to my ear right now, and I can still feel his warm breath on my skin, making me shiver.  At the same time, I'm not sure if I should respond to him.

I do, however, feel ready to talk to Adam.  I received five emails from him last night, wondering where I'm at and if I'm okay.  I'm starting to worry that my family might think I'm missing, and they filed a police report.  Now I'm wondering if Brad told them that I ran off in a cab, never to return.  I take a deep breath as I dial Adam's cell phone number.  This is my first attempt at contacting my family since I left.

"Hello?"

"Hey Adam, it's me."

"Who is this?"

Hearing his sweet 16 year old voice drown me in guilt, and my heart feels heavy.  I take quick breaths just to avoid choking on my own words.

"It's Lyn."

"Holy shit!! Where have you been, sis??"

"I had to leave town.  I'll explain later."

"Where are you?"

"I can't tell you right now."

"Are you in trouble?"

"No, sweetie.  I just needed to get away."

"Dad was going to report you missing.  Then Brad told us that you guys had a fight and you left."

"Did he tell you why?"

"No.  He just said that you were really upset and you took off in a cab."

Of course that motherfucker wouldn't say why.



"I figured.  Adam, I can't talk too long but I just wanted to let you know that I'm okay."

"I miss you, sis.  I thought something happened to you."

It's too late.  My tears are escaping now, and I have to bite my lip to keep my voice steady.

"I m-miss you too sweetie.  Can you j-just tell everybody t-that I'm okay?"

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"I'll tell them."

"Do me a favor.  Don't give anyone my new number.  I'll call them when I'm ready, okay?"

"Okay.  Are you sure?"

"Yeah.  Just tell them I called from a payphone."

"Okay."

"Be good, okay?  And I'll call you again soon."

"I will.  I'm glad you called, sis."

"Me too. Bye."

"Bye."



Finally I feel ready to start working again.  I was going to wait until I adopted a dog but I haven't had any luck lately.  Staying in the house all day will just give me too much time to think.  I'm hoping they will have positions available at the hospital, even if it's something clerical.  It will take some time to establish my residency again, and I will still have to tie up some loose ends at the hospital in Bridgeport.



It feels good to see the town again.  I will have to check out the shops and restaurants one of these days.  Maybe Geri and I can go shopping and have lunch.  I'm already excited about having a new friend!  I can invite her over for dinner, we can watch chick flicks all night, talk and just be girls. She seems to live alone.  I wonder what her story is?



Location: Wolfson's Hospital And Research Facility
Time: 11:40 a.m.

As I walk towards the front of the hospital, I become very nervous.  It must be because I haven't worked in nearly two weeks, and I'm starting to feel rusty.  I'll have to get used to the hustle and bustle of the hospital again, dealing with patients, paperwork, deadlines, pesky insurance companies and pushy pharmaceutical companies. The closer I get to the entrance, the more uneasy I become.  I can't quite put my finger on it, but it's more than nervousness about a new job.  It's as if something is telling me not to go any further.

I see a man in a gray suit talking on his cell phone with his back to me.  My senses are on high alert, sending tingles all over my neck and arms.  There's something very familiar about the way he's standing.



As if sensing my energy, he turns around.  Oh my God, it's him!!  Those pale blue eyes are wide open, burning right through me in shock.  My mind is processing a million thoughts, my heart is beating a million times, my breathing is so rapid, I am nearly choking.  Yet my body is frozen.  It won't even let me blink.  Everything seems to be at a standstill as we absorb each other's presence from what seems like miles away, yet it feels like he's only inches from me.  So close that I can almost reach out and touch him.



Then my heart remembers.  He is the man I fell  hopelessly in love with, the man I spent the last two years of my life with, the man that I shared my hopes and dreams with, the man that makes me weak in the knees, the man who's child I was carrying and the man that my body craves.  He is also the man that had my heart in his hands, only to throw it on the ground and step on it until it can't bleed anymore.  Suddenly, I start to feel stabbing pains in my chest.  It becomes so sharp that I'm unable to breathe, causing me to let out little gasps.



Everything around me starts to look dark and blurry as the pain starts to threaten my sense of balance.  From a distance, I can hear echos of cars passing by being drowned out by the enormous banging of my own heart.  It feels like a drum being pounded a million times by a million hands.



I catch a quick glimpse of myself standing in front of the hospital before being catapulted into utter darkness and deafening silence.



Slowly, the darkness fades away.



Location: Bridgeport University Library
Date: Tuesday, 6/11/09
Time: 4:22 p.m.

I find myself sitting down at a table at the college library.  Across me is Jamie Morgan, a friend I met in my Biology class this semester, my junior year.  She's  from Sunset Valley. We are studying for a test coming up tomorrow. She's also a Science major, and she wants to become a pharmacist.  I'm still not sure what I want to be, but I know that Science has always been my favorite subject in school.  I especially love Astronomy, Physics and Biology.  The way the world works amazes me, and I've been on a search for answers since I was a kid.



When I get up to put a book away, I stop dead in my tracks at the sight of the most amazing pale blue eyes gazing at me.  Damn, who is that??  I feel as if I've seen him before, I just can't put my finger on it.  Even from a distance, his eyes burn right through me, as if he knows my secrets, as if he knows something I don't know.  My heart pounds faster with every second that our gaze lingers, which makes me very self-conscious.  The whole room feels like a blur, and the only thing I know is me. And him.  Right now, excruciatingly aware of each other's presence.  This is crazy.  Why do I have this overwhelming need to put my arms around his neck and taste his lips?  Why do I want to know the smell of his skin?  I've never seen him in my life.  He flashes a warm smile.  Oh dear.  My knees start to lose their strength.  Instead of smiling back, I look away and pretend I don't see him.

"Don't know who you are
But you look like a star
And everybody have me thinkin' 
Who's that boy
Wanna take you home
And getcha all alone
And everybody here is thinkin'
Who's that boy"



"I just leave them on the table.  They'll pick it up." A slightly deep, silky voice appears behind me, catching me off-guard.

I turn around to find those pale blue eyes again but this time less than three feet away from me.  Oh dear.  Stay cool.



"Oh..." I stammer, trying not to look at him directly.  He is even more handsome up close, with the kind of boyish good looks that has probably broken many hearts.  His lashes are black and thick, creating a striking contrast against the lightness of his eyes.  They hypnotize me, making me want to dive in a pool of liquid blue,  until my body is completely drenched and helpless, until my mind has lost any type of sense.  God, yes.  Whatever you want.  I'll do it right now, damn you.



"I didn't see you." I try to sound as composed as possible.

"Sorry.  I didn't mean to sneak up on you."  He smiles again.



"Well, at least you didn't say boo." I smile back, trying to sound cool.  Inside, I'm a wreck.  He seems like the type of guy that never has a shortage of girls around him.  They'll probably find any excuse to talk to him on campus, even if they have to flash him...or kidnap him.

"Haha.  I didn't want to get smacked with a five pound book." His grin brings my gaze to his lips, which look luscious.  I just want to bite them.  I just want to suck them.  I look away again.



"Ouch.  That would really hurt." I sneak another peek at his eyes.

"Would you smack me?" There's a playfulness in his smile.

Hell yeah, I would smack you.  I would smack that ass.  Wait, what am I saying?



A stunning girl with strawberry blonde hair and pale hazel-green eyes approach us, and she doesn't look very happy.  Is that his girlfriend?



"Bradley, I've been waiting for you downstairs.  Are you coming?"  She purrs, trying to divert his attention away from me.

Bradley?? His name is Bradley?

"Yeah, I was just...uhh...putting a book back."  He explains, but his eyes are on me.

"I'm starving.  Let's go."  She grabs his hand, giving me a "back off, bitch" look.

As she pulls him away, our eyes meet one more time before he turns around to catch up with her.



Figures.  Guys like him always date gorgeous girls like her.  What was I thinking?  Did I really think I had a chance?  I need to be careful or I might end up on his "been there, done that" list.



A few weeks later, I run into him at the gym.  I'm on my way to the weights area when I see him on one of the nautilus machines.  Shirtless.  Holy shit.  Must. Not. Rape. Strange. Man. In. Gym.  I imagine my hands tracing his chest, feeling how hard it is.  Then they would start to move lower...



At that same moment that I recognize him, he gets up and looks in my direction.  It's as if he sensed my presence.

Our eyes meet again.  My heart stops.  My mind races.  I can't move.

"I've been staring atcha
And I could do it all night
You're lookin' like an angel
That kind of body
Needs a spotlight"



With a killer smile, he heads in my direction, displaying everything that a shirt would normally hide.

Oh dear. Oh dear. Oh dear.

*Copyright 2011 Lyn C.S.*
--------------------------------------------------------------------

"Who's That Boy" by Demi Lovato
Video by: therealdemilovato

Chapter Ten (Big Girls Don't Cry)

Previously, on "Memoirs Of A City Girl":
Chapter 9 ( A Breath Of Fresh Air)
-I woke up thinking about David, feeling guilty for how I snapped at him.
-I wrestled with my emotions, refusing to believe that I may like him.
-To get my mind off things, I went for a jog down by the lake.
-I met a beagle that reminded me of Nikki, my dog in Bridgeport.
-Just when I was having fun playing with her, her owner showed up.


*This update contains strong language*



Location: Adventure Landing
Date: Tuesday, 10/25/11
Time: 9:17 a.m.

"Is she yours?"  I ask the auburn haired lady. 

"Yes she is.  She just ran off.  Frisky little thing."  Her blue eyes are kind, and she seems to resonate a very calm and gentle energy. 

"Why'd you run off like that, darling? Hmm?? What if the lake monster gets you?" She stoops down just low enough for Jackie to look up and listen intently.

Her tail wags excitedly, head tilted sideways.  There's no question that this lady is the owner.



"I hope she didn't bother you too much."  She apologizes.

"No, not at all.  She's so adorable.  And full of personality!"

"Aww, thank you.  That's my Jackie.  Always up to no good.  I'm Geri by the way."

"I'm Lyn.  Nice to meet you." I smile as I shake her hand.  It feels nice to talk to another female for a change.  I can just be myself without worrying about romantic entanglements.  Or getting myself in trouble.



"I usually take her for a walk in the mornings.  This is the first time I let her off-leash and look what happens." She mutters, shaking her head.

"Well, it was a nice surprise.  I got to play with her for a little bit.  I had fun!"

"Do you live around here or are you just visiting?"  She asks.



"Yeah, I do.  I just moved to that ranch around the corner with the white paddock.  This is actually my first time visiting the lake."

"Ohhhhh! You're my new neighbor across the street?" Her eyes light up.

"Wait, what house do you live in?" I'm very intruiged now. Neighbor??

"The blue one.  I've been meaning to introduce myself but I didn't want to intrude since you just moved in."

"Oh my gosh, you're the one right across me?? I've been wondering who lived in that beautiful blue house."

"What a small world!  You've done an amazing job with the house by the way.  It looks so different now.  It looks brand new!"

"Thank you.  The contractor did a really good job.  They were able to do the renovations in one week."



"So where did you move from?" She asks.

Oh boy.  This question again.  I might as well get used to it.  I just need to evade the question enough so that they don't keep pushing the issue.

"Bridgeport.  I got tired of the city life so I thought I'd try the country.  I'm loving it so far.  It's so peaceful here." 

Not bad!  Why didn't I come up with that before??

"Ah, Bridgeport.  I've been there once.  Big city with beautiful skyscrapers.  I don't blame you.  It was too fast for me." She laughs.



"What about you?  Did you move here too?" I ask, now curious about the lady who happens to be my neighbor.

"No, I actually grew up here.  My parents owned the house I live in but they passed away."

"Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss."  I squeeze her arm.  Normally I don't touch people I just met but somehow I feel very comfortable around her.  She seems like someone I can be good friends with.

"It's okay.  My father was killed in a car accident when I was little, so I never really knew him.  My mother passed a few years ago.  She lost the battle to cancer."  There's sadness in her eyes, but there's also great strength in spirit.  She looks like a woman who has accepted the unfairness in life, and simply let go and moved on. Maybe one day I can also have that same strength so I can finally be free of the demons from my past.



"You know, my first day here, I bought a horse.  I've always wanted one." I try to lighten the mood by sharing how I got Mr. Nunu.

"That's great!  I wish I had enough space for a stable. Otherwise, I would have gotten one too.  My grandfather owned this huge ranch and he had dozens of horses.  I grew up around them."

"That's awesome! There was only one problem..."

"What's that?"



"I didn't have a house or a stable."

"Bahaha!  Where did you put him?" She laughs, and it lights up her whole face.  You would never guess that she went through such losses in her life.

"Well, I made the cab driver drive me around town until I saw the ranch.  And it happened to be for sale.  So I went for it."

"Wow.  It was fate.  I mean really, that never happens.  An elderly couple lived in your house for years but they left.  And it wasn't until two weeks ago that I saw the for sale sign."

"Oh wow.  That is crazy.  But the cab driver told me that they passed away."

"Oh.  I didn't know that. That makes a lot of sense.  I've been wondering why they left their horse behind."

"What do you mean?"

"The horse I see in your yard.  He looks exactly like the horse they had.  His name was Pascal or Rascal or something.  I forget."

Suddenly I get goosebumps all over my body.  Holy shit, Mr. Nunu was their horse!! And I happened to buy him and that house on the same day I ran off to this town.  This is getting really creepy.  Either this is fate at its finest or someone is really messing with me up there.



"Whoa. Are you okay?  Look at the hair on your arms!" She points out.

"Uhh..yeah.  It's just that...I bought Mr. Nunu from the equestrian center the same day I moved to town.  His name used to be Rascal.  How is that possible that I randomly picked out the very same house and horse they used to own?  I've never seen either of them."

"I'm telling you.  It's fate.  Maybe  you didn't choose them.  Maybe they chose you."

Holy crap.  This is too crazy even for me to comprehend.



"I have to go, but it's so nice to finally meet you.  You're welcome to visit me anytime."  She offers.

"You too, Geri.  Likewise.  I could use the company."

"Jackie!! Come on precious, we need to go!" She hollers as she heads towards the lady playing with her dog.



Location: 1012 Pomona Promenade
Date: Tuesday, 10/25/11
Date: 7:40 p.m.

I finally feel ready to check my email when I got home.  A part of me wonders if anyone tried to call me or look for me.  Since I disconnected my Bridgeport number, the only other way they can contact me is through email.  Oh crap.  I forgot to call my job.  They are probably looking for me.  Shit. There goes my career.  Well, either I left town or my body turned up this week.  If there's  such a thing as a bright side, it could be worse.  I could be dead. I can always find another job, I can always find another home, I can always start my own extended family, make new friends, heck I can even find another man to love.  But to come back from the dead?  Yeah....not exactly an option.

I take a deep breath as I glance at the number of new messages: 77.  Who are they from?  Should I click on it now?  Yes, I should.  I need to.  Okay, here we go. One click, and I am bombarded by familiar names.  Names that I have pushed out of my mind.  There are a few from the hospital, looking for me and wondering if I'm okay.  There are a few from my friends and family.  And there are a few from him.  Eleven to be exact.  A part of me is relieved that they tried to contact me, but a part of me is now reminded of why I left.  But instead of clicking on the sign out button, I click on his latest email instead. 

"Lyn,

Please call me.  I'm worried sick about you and I don't know where you're at.  Your number is disconnected.  Are you okay?  I am so sorry.  I really fucked it up.  I don't expect you to forgive me but I just need to know that you're okay.  God, I miss you. I think about you all the time. I have never stopped loving you.

Love,

Brad"

Tears cascade down my cheeks as his words flow through my mind and ooze down my heart.  As much anger and hate that I have for him, and as damaged as my heart is, I have longed to hear from him.  I needed to know that he still cares, and my absence affected him greatly.  Does that matter now? It shouldn't.  But I can't explain how much I miss him, his voice, his touch, his kiss, his scent, his smile, the way his body feels next to mine.  I miss those pale blue eyes.  I miss getting lost in them.  Why won't my heart let me forget about him and move on?



"The smell of your skin lingers on me now
You're probably on your flight
Back to your home town 
I need some shelter of my own protection, baby 
To be with myself and center 
Clarity, peace and serenity"

In an attempt to soothe my own loneliness, I hang on to Mr. Nunu.  He seems to understand my need for comfort, so he stands still and lets me hug him for a while.  There are no need for words.  I close my eyes, feeling grateful that I still have my beloved beast. 



After putting Mr. Nunu in the stall, I decide to make salad for dinner.  I start thinking about Brad and his email as I pierce the leafy greens with my fork.  I start to wonder where he's at right now, who he's with.  And if he's thinking about me. 

"And I'm gonna miss you
Like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on
With my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry"



After loading the dishwasher, I get the sudden urge to look across the street.



Chills run down my spine as I see a transparent figure roaming the house right across me.

What the hell??



Then it disappears when a car pulls out of the driveway.



Suddenly, living alone has lost its appeal.  Now I'm afraid to sleep by myself.  What if that thing visits me in my room at night?  I wish Nikki was here.  I seriously need to get a dog. If my house is haunted too, I'm screwed.  I don't even know where I'd go.



Now I'm scared to go to sleep.  I'm all by myself.  What the hell did I get myself into??
Morning needs to freaking hurry up. NOW.



*Copyright 2011 Lyn C.S.*
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"Big Girls Don't Cry" by Fergie
Video by: FergieVEVO