"I'm not ready to die. But I can't stay in this damn city." (Ch. 1)
"Call me a hopeless romantic, but I tend to fall in love at first sight. It's only happened to me once. With him." (Ch. 2)
"It warms my battered heart that something as simple as feeding a baby horse can bring me such happiness. Her eyes are so innocent and trusting, it almost infuriates me that someone can mistreat an animal." (Ch. 3)
"They say money can't buy happiness, but it can certainly buy a sense of ownership. Feeling his muscles under my leg, I feel one with the beast as I stand tall, scanning the landscape. I am a part of this land, and the land is a part of me. Right now, at this moment, this is why I came to Appaloosa Plains. To take ownership of my own life. To finally regain control of my own destiny." (Ch. 4)
"The sound of his name seems to echo through the room. It's as if he just barged through the swinging door, and everything stops frozen, even time. He dances around me like a cruel ghost, taunting me...haunting me...reeling me into the past like a fish trying to escape the fierce grip of a hook." (Ch. 5)
"You have no idea how grateful I am to have you in my life. You're all I have right now." (Ch. 6)
"So I decide to ditch the shake and eat butter pecan ice cream instead. I'm on my own. I can do whatever I want. If I want to eat ice cream for breakfast, I'll eat ice cream for breakfast. Whatever it takes to make these damn memories go away." (Ch. 7)
"But a part of me knows I'll have to explain myself eventually, and I don't think I'm ready to do that. I'm not ready to let him, or anyone in yet. How can I be, when I'm not even ready to let my own self in?" (Ch 8)
"Hot tears run down my cheeks as I think about the girl that got on that cab. She seemed so lost...so afraid...and so alone. She had her family, her friends and a man that she was crazy about, yet...she didn't feel like she mattered. It all seemed like an illusion." (Ch. 9)
"In an attempt to soothe my own loneliness, I hang on to Mr. Nunu. He seems to understand my need for comfort, so he stands still and lets me hug him for a while. There are no need for words. I close my eyes, feeling grateful that I still have my beloved beast." (Ch. 10)
"God, yes. Whatever you want. I'll do it right now, damn you." (Ch. 11)
"Must. Not. Rape. Strange. Man. In. Gym." (Ch. 12)
"Aak, who am I kidding?? The only thing going on in my head is Brad + Lyn = hot make-out sessions and steamy nights. Or days. Or mornings. Or afternoons. That's the kind of organic chemistry I want to study." (Ch. 13)
"No, mom. I'm not going to marry a doctor. I'm going to be a doctor." (Ch. 14)
"Ever since I was eight years old, I would gaze into the night sky, feeling so alone. I would wonder if there was someone out there thinking of me at that very same moment. They say that fairy tales are nothing but unrealistic expectations of love that will never happen in real life, but my heart somehow managed to persist that he was still out there. The one. The man who's soul I will instantly recognize as soon as our eyes meet." (Ch. 15)
"If he has the ability to awaken the inner slut in me, I'm in big trouble." (Ch. 16)
"Lying next to him like this, listening to him breathe, smelling his skin, feeling the heat from his body radiating into mine brings such intense pangs of longing, desire and love for him. What we shared last night stirred something deep inside me, deep inside my soul, and my need for him is beyond what my own heart can understand. One look, one touch, one taste, and I am like a junkie anticipating my next hit. I want more, I need more, I want it all." (Ch. 17)
"'I'm not wearing any panties,' I whisper in his ear as I take his hand and push it under my dress. He's going to pay for being late. (Ch. 18)
"'What? What do you do?' Personal sex slave? Private dancer? Professional eye candy?" (Ch. 19)
"I don't know if it's the rush from tonight's close call with death but I can feel him gently tugging at my heartstrings. It doesn't change how I feel about Brad, but a part of me wonders...what if? And I think this question is even more dangerous than the strong flames and smoke inhalation combined." (Ch. 20)
"'Well maybe if you showed up, there would be no need for him to keep me company!!' I scream, hating him even more for reminding me that he's not around like he used to be. I hate the fact that another man kept me company tonight. I hate the fact that he doesn't seem to care. I hate the fact that our relationship is dying right in front of our eyes, and I don't know what to do to fix it." (Ch. 21)
"I scream, only to hear the door slam. He left. He actually left. We were supposed to work things out. The baby was supposed to give us hope. I am not supposed to be pregnant and alone in this condo, wondering if my child is going to have a father in its life!!" (Ch. 22)
"He can pretend all he wants, but her presence is very real to me. She is standing in my bedroom, in my home, after she just fucked the man that held my heart in his hands, that meant the world to me, that was going to be the father of my dead child." (Ch. 23)
"You destroyed my heart. I have nothing left to give you." (Ch. 24)
"Him being here...feels right. It makes sense, like he was supposed to be here all along. I start pondering if...we knew each other in a past life. Even the idea that we are both connected to this house. Is it possible? Could we have known each other before? There's something about him, his presence, his energy...that makes everything okay, despite the mess that's going on in my life." (Ch. 26)
"I hate that he made me think he loved me!! I hate that he acted all nice and sweet in the beginning!! I hate that he made me fall in love with him!! I hate that I actually thought he was the one!! I FUCKING HATE HIS ASS!!" (Ch. 27)
"I don't know...but everything felt so real. I was Emma...and I had a husband named William...and a daughter named Abigail...and a son named John---" (Ch. 28)
"Maybe I should stay away from anything that has a penis. Wait, Mr. Nunu has a penis. I love Mr. Nunu. Okay, any human being that has a penis. But damn, how long is that gonna last? I can't go vegetarian, I need my meat! Well, screw meat! It's done nothing but make me feel like crap. From now on, I'm eliminating penis from my diet. No more penis!! Penis is bad for your health! Mmm...Luke's penis. I wonder how big it is? No!! Be strong! Penis is pure evil!!" (Ch. 30)
"First of all, if you're going to call me a stupid bitch, you better have the balls to do it to my face." (Ch. 35)
"A part of me wants to punch him for his nerve...the nerve that he thinks he can just do something good, like it's supposed to change everything that's happened. Is he trying to earn brownie points? Then there's another part of me, this insanely idiotic side that's somewhat touched...that understands that he really didn't have to do any of this. But he did. He may have just single-handedly saved my future in medicine." (Ch. 36)
"Do you have any idea what it's like to have a miscarriage and not be able to reach anyone, not even you?? All the blood, the searing pain...and to have to go through it alone. I needed you that night, and you weren't there. I needed you, Brad! The doctor said I lost a lot of blood and she told me to go home. I wasn't even supposed to show up to work the next day. And on the way home, all I could think about was how we could work things out, maybe start over. I still loved you, and I would have done anything to make things work." (Ch. 37)
"I want to cry for help. I want someone to save me from this...this emotional hell hole that I've gotten myself into." (Ch. 38)
"Something changed in me last night as I clung to him, breaking down until I ran out of tears. The man that inflicted searing pain into my heart was the very same man that took some of it away with each tear that fell, with each sob, with each gasp for breath and with each kiss that he planted on my forehead. We must have sat on the floor holding each other for hours, finding no use for words, only the heat of our skins pressing, our scent mingling, as if we quietly watched the remnants of our connection get resuscitated, piece by piece." (Ch. 39)
"Yes he is. I can see why he's your best friend. He really helped me get through these last few weeks. We practically talk on the phone everyday." (Ch. 40)
"Razors. Daggers. Butcher knives. They all aim at my unsuspecting heart without warning, as if they were summoned by Luke's blunt words. I've managed to dilute my version of the story and Brad owned up to his actions in his own way. I thought we confronted this last night. But this...this cruelly raw version from Luke's mouth, dealing with Brad directly---I was not prepared for. I can feel these sharp instruments slicing away at my heart again, bringing back the throbbing pain without mercy, and there is nowhere to run---or hide---as the tears escape my eyes." (Ch. 41)
"I'm sorry...I can't deal with this right now." (Ch. 43)
"'You couldn't have been more wrong,' I explain, searching his eyes, which are now red and soaked in tears, ready to fall. He looks away, but I grab his face and force him to look at me. All this time, I thought I could never make him happy, that I would never be good enough and he stopped trying because he got bored. In reality, he was sabotaging the relationship before it had the chance to sabotage him---plagued by his own abandonment issues. 'I would have loved you more because of it. Because I would have seen the real you, and I would have hurt for that little boy that went through so much pain....because I understand.'" (Ch. 44)
"Our eyes meet again, a sort of glimpse into the creation of the universe, into the very same instant that time revealed itself, igniting the spark of consciousness and cellular memories of each incarnation. My Jesse. Words become obsolete at the throbbing of my heart and the urgency in my warm breath, mixing with his. Gently cupping his brutally handsome face, I whisper breathlessly, 'I'm here.'" Ch. 45)
"I choke on my own words as I blindly run my fingers through his thick, dark hair. My senses heightened---pushed and elevated into such a raw, primal state---drowning in pure erotic instinct. If heaven exists, this must be it. This is the place that transcends animal urges, human need and spiritual longing. This is the place where they all merge, creating a feeling of complete and utter humility. The realization that someone understands me, truly understands me. It’s nothing short of magic." (Ch. 46)
"Just leave? Just leave?? He won’t even give me a chance to explain myself. After everything that’s happened, after what we just shared, he pushes me away, making me feel like a damn fool. I’m so immobilized by my own shock that there’s nothing left but anger. Seething, boiling, throbbing anger from a place I can’t even remember, making me cry out, 'Oh, so you want to put all the blame on me? YOU left for war! YOU left me pregnant and all alone! YOU left the next day when we got too close and almost had sex! When I needed you the---'" (Ch. 47)
"You know what, Mom? Thank you. Thank you for helping me see what I needed to see. All these years, I thought there was something wrong with me. The truth is, it’s you. You’re just a sad, bitter woman who took everything out on me. I’m sorry your parents disowned you. I’m sorry you had to leave China at such a young age. I’m sorry you had to abandon your dreams when you married dad. But you have no right to treat me this way. And if I ever become a mother, I hope to God I never become like you." (Ch. 48)
“I’m so sorry, Emma. I’m sorry you had to leave your children behind. I’m sorry you couldn’t be with the man you loved. I’m so sorry, William. I’m sorry I loved another man. I’m sorry you had to catch us together. Jesse…oh my Jesse. I’m sorry I didn’t wait for you when you left for war. I’m sorry I kept your daughter from you. I’m sorry that I waited too long to leave my husband. I’m so sorry that things had to end so tragically. And Luke…my Luke. You came back for me and what did I do? I wasted my time with Brad. I was too blind to appreciate you and I pushed you away. I’m so sorry about dad. I’m so sorry for screwing things up. I need to let you go. I’m sorry it didn’t work out in this life. I should have told you I love you. I should have told you how I felt. And now...you’re gone. Goodbye my love. Be happy.” (Ch. 49)
“'What we shared that night and that morning meant so much to me, but I never told you,' I admit without any hesitation or fear, baring myself to him because it’s something he deserves to know. It’s something he should have known a long time ago. 'I should have told you how much you mean to me. I should have told you how much…I love you.'" (Ch. 50)
"Would you smack me?" (Ch. 11)
"We gotta stop meeting like this." (Ch. 12)
"Hot damn! I wish I was that burrito." (Ch. 13)
"Lyn, I promise you I was not flirting. You have to believe me. She's your sister, what kind of guy do you think I am? I'm just friendly and some people mistake that as flirting. But I was just talking to her. I swear." (Ch. 14)
"I know, but...I'm really trying to be a gentleman, Lyn." (Ch. 15)
"Shhh...just relax. I'm just getting started." (Ch. 16)
"Because I got to meet you. You're a fucking goddess." (Ch. 17)
"Just when you're about to come, I'll bend you over in front of this painting like a bad little girl and take you from behind. Hard. Deep. You'll moan so loud, people will wonder what's going on---" (Ch. 18)
"Thanks. But I can't take credit for that. Lyn redecorated most of it. I told her, you can do whatever you want as long as you don't make everything pink." (Ch. 19)
""Damn baby, I'm getting hard..." (Ch. 20)
"You miss daddy's dick?" (Ch. 21)
"How are you gonna try to fuck my girlfriend, man? In my own home??" (Ch. 22)
""Lyn, wait!! I'm sorry!" (Ch. 23)
"Because...I saw the way you looked at each other when you first met. It was like I didn't even exist, like you wished you were with him instead." (Ch. 24)
"Then my mind betrays me. Instead of this girl screaming my name, I hear her voice instead. I see her beautiful face transcending into the highest state of nirvana. I hear her soft moans caressing my ears. I feel her sweaty body merging with mine as our temperatures collide, until we're simply lost in our own bubble of bliss. My heart feels like it's going to explode from the intense feelings she's awakened and I'm falling into a place between heaven and hell. Heaven because this is the closest I've ever felt to another human being. Hell because it scares the shit out of me. Losing control, feeling helpless, unable to cage my heart any longer." (Ch. 31)
"I may never know the reasons that made him resort to alcohol, but I know its purpose. It has a magical way of making things okay, even though I'm drowning in my own self-hatred and self-delusions. But it can also warp my sense of reality." (Ch. 32)
"I may be the scum of the earth right now, but this scum loves Lyn. And he finally has the balls to make things right for once." (Ch. 33)
"In her presence, I am just Bradley Clemens. The boy who grew up too fast, the man that broke Lyn's heart, the mortal being that just wants to find happiness." (Ch. 34)
"I don't deserve you, I never did. I always manage to fuck things up. Maybe my dad is right. I'm just a fuck-up. Nothing but a loser in a doctor's coat." (Ch. 37)
"But hate is still an emotion. At least you feel something." (Ch. 37)
"But hate is still an emotion. At least you feel something." (Ch. 37)
"Fuck yeaahhhh. Come for daddy." (Ch. 38)
"I had all this...and I didn't even know it. I didn't even appreciate it." (Ch. 39)
"There's no doubt in my mind now that Luke has feelings for Lyn. Knowing him, he would never choose such a selfless act unless he really cares about someone. For him to stay away just to let her heal, that means he cares more about her happiness than his own. Shit, shit. Now I'm even more plagued with guilt over what I did with Natalie, and the fact that he still forgave me after that. How can I ever compete with a guy like Luke? I've tried---most of my life---but it seems he always came out on top. Better looking, better family, better childhood, heroic, selfless, caring. Like he's Superman or something. Who can compete with Superman?" (Ch. 40)
"So what? I love her. She still loves me. And if she didn't want me here, we wouldn't have spent the night together." (Ch. 41)
"I think you should leave. She's upset enough as it is." (Ch. 43)
"'Of course you didn't know. If you did, you probably would have left. Just like my mom. How can anybody love such a fucked up person?" (Ch. 44)
"Bye, baby. Be happy.” (Ch. 49)
"I had all this...and I didn't even know it. I didn't even appreciate it." (Ch. 39)
"There's no doubt in my mind now that Luke has feelings for Lyn. Knowing him, he would never choose such a selfless act unless he really cares about someone. For him to stay away just to let her heal, that means he cares more about her happiness than his own. Shit, shit. Now I'm even more plagued with guilt over what I did with Natalie, and the fact that he still forgave me after that. How can I ever compete with a guy like Luke? I've tried---most of my life---but it seems he always came out on top. Better looking, better family, better childhood, heroic, selfless, caring. Like he's Superman or something. Who can compete with Superman?" (Ch. 40)
"So what? I love her. She still loves me. And if she didn't want me here, we wouldn't have spent the night together." (Ch. 41)
"I think you should leave. She's upset enough as it is." (Ch. 43)
"'Of course you didn't know. If you did, you probably would have left. Just like my mom. How can anybody love such a fucked up person?" (Ch. 44)
"Bye, baby. Be happy.” (Ch. 49)
Lucas Rossi
"We finally get to meet the girl that got Brad. He talks about you all the time." (Ch. 19)
"Yeah...I'm good with my hands..." (Ch. 20)
"You think I'm hot?" (Ch. 21)
"You would never need to go to another man because I would never let that happen. I'd be busy loving you, taking care of you and making sure you're happy." (Ch. 22)
"If you really love her, you'll leave her alone. If it's meant to be, she'll come back to you. But you need to let her figure that out for herself." (Ch. 25)
"Brad told me what happened. So I got pissed, beat him up and took Nikki." (Ch. 26)
"Superman has always been my favorite superhero. I used to pretend I was him when I was little. So I used to wonder if I even had a...well, if I had a Lois Lane." (Ch. 27)
"Maybe I should go back to my room." (Ch. 28)
"I can't stay. At this point in her life, she doesn't need any more complications. She needs to live her life, to figure out what she wants and what she wants to do. After all that she has been through, she deserves at least that much. I take one last look at her lying in bed, sleeping so peacefully. I can't even kiss her on the cheek. It's too tempting. And if I wake her up, she might try to convince me to stay." (Ch. 29)
"Damn. That's too bad. I would have messed up your diet." (Ch. 30)
"Shut the hell up! You've done your share of dirt on me, so don't tell me what to fucking do. YOU fucked her sister, YOU caused her to have a miscarriage. YOU hurt this woman so bad, she left everything behind and almost killed herself. YOU! You didn't appreciate her when she was with you, you took her for granted, then acted all territorial when she came to me for support. And you assumed we were fucking! You saw that as a chance to cheat on her. And to really fuck her up, her sister! You don't think I know about her sister? " (Ch. 41)
"I take a deep breath as I gently place my hand on her chin, slowly caressing it before turning her towards me. Our eyes lock. Like a flood of blue electricity circulating back and forth between us, more powerful than lightning, more powerful than a thousands detonated bombs, more powerful than any earthquake I could ever imagine. We sit there frozen, spellbound, in utter awe and shock, as we exchange memories through each other's eyes---everything that we have ever shared since 1904, when we became ware of each other's existence. The consuming love, the misunderstandings, the pride, the broken heart, the guttural pain, the mounds of regret, the crushed dreams, the eternal promise and the agonizing wait---comes back full force." (Ch. 43)
"I need you...I need you so bad." (Ch. 45)
""Mmmm...so wet...so sweet. Let me hear you. Don't hold back. Don't you dare hold back on me." (Ch. 46)
"Go back to Brad! Marry him! Have his kids! I really don’t give a shit anymore!” (Ch. 47)
“I’ve loved you from the moment we met. You’re my Lois Lane. You’re everything to me.” (Ch. 50)
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