Ch. 40 (The Only Exception)
-Brad took me to Hangman's Tree.
-He was surprised when I told him that Luke took me there before.
-All of a sudden I felt very tired, and we ended up falling asleep.
-I had a vivid dream about William proposing to Emma
at the very same barren oak tree.
-I didn't say anything to Brad about the dream, but his energy
is definitely familiar.
-He asked if there was anything going on between me and Luke.
-I told him Luke and I are good friends, and that he was there for me.
-Something prompted Brad to ask if I still love him.
-Reluctantly, I admitted it, even telling him "I love you".
-After this, he did something that completely blew me away.
-He said, "Marry me. Be my wife."
*Strong language*
Location: Hangman's Tree National Historic Landmark
Date: Saturday, 11/05/2011
Time: 5: 25 p.m.
"What?" My mouth manages to physically pluck the one word that's been lost among the chaos taking over my thoughts. I can feel the shock spread through every vein in my body like a strong shot of vodka, radiating a strange heat in my stomach before it takes a hold of my heart and squeezes, causing me to panic. I know what I heard. Every. Damn. Word. Even my heart and mind, which are usually at odds with each other when it comes to Brad, stopped dead in their tracks, and even they didn't know what to do. They seemed to look up to the stars for guidance before turning back to me, throwing their hands up. Heaven and hell, good and bad, light and dark have always been at odds with each other, wanting opposite things, having an opposite purpose. But this...this shit that Brad just conjured? It feels as if the ground just sunk and swallowed me alive.
"I said marry me." He whispers with impossibly pale, solemn blue eyes. Just like the late afternoon skies, they seem to fade into the background with the promise of dusk, slowly hypnotizing me into the dark corners of my own desires. "Be my wife."
"Brad...this is crazy." I have dreamed of this for so long, especially coming from him, and now he seems to be handing it to me on a silver platter. As if my very happiness can simply exist in that one platter---my hopes and dreams of having a family since I was a little girl---dreaming of my prince charming. My heart is leaping in joy, practically screaming 'yes!', but my head is staring at the silver platter suspiciously, yelling, 'stay back, don't trust him!' With a sigh, I add, "This is all moving too fast for me."
"I know, but you said you love me." With eyes as gentle as his voice, he pulls me even closer to him, letting me know he's serious. There's a restlessness, a sort of impatience leaking from his face that not even his smile can hide. Flashbacks of William proposing to Emma invade my mind, temporarily bringing back nostalgia of a love...and a time that I desperately want to capture again. "Doesn't that mean something to you?"
"It does, but...I don't know..." My eyes clamp shut as I bury my face on Brad's chest, hoping for reason---and common sense---to bring any type of clarity to this situation. The remnants of shock are still tingling away at my skin like a neon sign flashing "yes" or "no", refusing to be ignored. If I marry Brad, what happens to Luke? Luke...my Luke. I keep telling Brad that he's just a friend, that there's nothing going on. Or is that...what I tell myself? Sure, we've gotten close lately and we flirt on the phone sometimes, which led to some sexually charged conversations---but he never made plans to see me again---or for me to see him. It seems his interest in me has simmered down to a more protective nature, especially since that day he left my house. Brad, on the other had, seems ready to give me what I want. And he seems contrite of his actions. Lost in his scent, I murmur, "I can't think."
"Just say yes. Make me the happiest man alive, " He suggests, almost demands, as his hands roam up and down my back.
In an attempt to pull away from the spell of his cologne---and the excruciating warmth of his body, I peel my face away from Brad's chest. When my eyes slowly open, waking me up to the reality of the warm afternoon sun, I see a figure standing a few feet away, and he seems to be watching us. In the blurry interpretation of my semi-conscious state---still drugged from my conflicting emotions---shivers rush up my spine as this person starts walking in our direction. With each step my breath shortens. My eyes narrow in on blue jeans, a tan colored shirt clinging to a muscular upper body, a dark beard and...pale...green...eyes. The moment our eyes lock, I feel a surge of electricity splash on me like ice water, drenching me from head to toe, waking up every neuron in my body. Holy shit, it's Luke!
I can feel the daggers hurling at his heart, the moment he saw me in Brad's arms. His eyes...they burn through me, as if asking 'how could you?'. Now that he's here, I'm flooded by memories of our connection and all I can do is watch my feelings break free from their chain of fear and run to him---the only person I completely trust in this world.
Without thought, my arms break away from Brad's shoulders as Luke's gaze seem to penetrate through this cloud of enchantment swirling around us--- forcefully breaking it away---opening our eyes to the present. It feels as if he just caught us together, that something is unusually wrong, and I can't shake away this pang of guilt that's growing by the second. Gone are the colorful sea of flowers, cool autumn breeze, rustling of trees or the soothing hoo-hoo-hoo cries of mourning doves. Everything within my sight melts into oblivion, as I stand here suspended in time, frozen by the presence of the two men who have complicated my once simple life. I watch helplessly as Luke walks over to Brad, devouring him with seething contempt like a ram brandishing its horns.
My heart throbs in desperation, sending distress signals to my stomach at what is about to happen. I cry out to Luke to get his attention, but only a weak croak comes out from my drying throat.
"You are a serious piece of work." Luke mutters to Brad in a deep rumble when they are only a foot away from each other. I can see the fire in his eyes slowly escape his nose like puffs of smoke. I have never seen him like this. I can see the rise and fall of his chest as he says, one deliberate word at a time, "I really didn't think you'd stoop any lower."
"What are you talking about?" Brad responds in a haughty voice, standing his ground, despite Luke's intimidating presence.
"Showing up here and asking her to marry you?" Luke's eyes narrow in disgust, shaking his head. "Are you fucking serious!"
Shit. He heard. Up until that point, Brad's proposal seemed romantic. Crazy and shocking, but romantic. I even pondered the idea as visions of us relaxing at home, playing with the kids---being happy---crossed my mind. I want that so badly...to be happy. But now, the way Luke says it, as if it's some accusation, makes it seem...like a foolish idea.
"So what? I love her. She still loves me." Brad responds calmly, not moving one inch. Then he briefly looks in my direction, as if summoning my support, when he adds, "And if she didn't want me here, we wouldn't have spent the night together."
"Brad! That's not necess---" I snap at him, wondering why he felt the need to disclose that type of information. Even though he's probably trying to rub it in Luke's face, I feel even angrier for feeling guilty...and a bit embarrassed. After everything I've said about Brad to Luke, and after my repeated declarations that I'm done with him---here I am--- a victim to my own weakness. And looking like a complete hypocrite.
"Is this true, Lyn?" Luke interrupts as he searches my eyes. It's all too much for me to handle, so I look away in silence. I never considered how it would affect Luke if I slept with Brad. I didn't think it would matter since we're not together. But I simply can't ignore how this all must be affecting him, having to catch us together. Nor can I ignore the cries of my own heart at this delicious fireman's presence, and wanting desperately to disappear with him somewhere and explain everything. I didn't realize how much I actually miss him until now. Now that he's here. Shit!
Silence.
"So it's true." Luke stares off in the faded distance. The disappointment in his voice is so obvious, I just want to grab him and make it go away. "You slept with him."
"Who's gonna
Tell you when
It's too late?
Who's gonna
tell you things
Aren't so great?"
"Luke---" I try to appease him, but I can't seem to find the right words, especially when he clearly has more to say.
"I can't say I'm surprised. You're vulnerable, he knew this." Luke blankly looks at me before staring off into the distance again. Eventually he shifts his gaze to Brad, as if caught in some epiphany that's causing him to speak out again. "But that's the difference between me and you. I could have taken advantage of her, but I didn't. I was being a---"
No, no. Stop talking. Stop talking!
"Liar. She said you slept together!" Brad cuts in, looking pretty pleased with himself for calling Luke out---or at least thinking it. I can hear bricks falling from the sky now, making me wince before they crash on the ground with a loud thud. Just when I thought this afternoon couldn't get any worse, it actually did. Not so much for me, but for Luke. In a short amount of time, he saw me with Brad, found out I slept with him, and now...catches me lying.
"What?? Why would you say that, Lyn?" Luke quickly turns to me, completely stunned.
"Nothing happened between us, you know that!"
"I don't know...I'm sorry..."
"Wait, you didn't sleep together?" Brad asks, picking up on the stories that don't match.
"Wait, are you upset at me?" Luke gives me an accusatory look, as if I just insulted him."He's the one that slept with your sister! Or did you forget that??"
Silence.
"So let me get this straight." Luke pauses to search my eyes, then shifts his gaze to Brad. A faint scowl crosses his face as they give a hint of the thoughts running through his mind, before he adds, "You're pissed at me when this asshole fucks your sister, causes you to have a miscarriage and make you almost---"
"Luke, stop!" I scream at him as I frantically try to piece back whatever morsel of peace I had before he showed up. The more he talks, the more helpless I feel, as I spiral down into a very dark place again, the very same place I've desperately tried to crawl out of. These negative memories break free from their cage of denial, running rampant throughout my whole being, slowly bullying me again. Just as I attempt to run off, Luke catches my arm with such conviction that I freeze instantly, despite the tears threatening, making me look away.
"No, I won't stop! What, you don't like hearing the truth?" Luke turns me around and forces me to look at him, his hands now gripping my shoulders. "Maybe it's time I remind you why we're all here."
"Luke, she said stop!" Brad makes an attempt to wrestle me away from Luke's hands, but backs off when he's met with such a rabid gaze.
Razors. Daggers. Butcher knives. They all aim at my unsuspecting heart without warning, as if they were summoned by Luke's blunt words. I've managed to dilute my version of the story and Brad owned up to his actions in his own way. I thought we confronted this last night. But this...this cruelly raw version from Luke's mouth, dealing with Brad directly---I was not prepared for. I can feel these sharp instruments slicing away at my heart again, bringing back the throbbing pain without mercy, and there is nowhere to run---or hide---as the tears escape my eyes.
"Who's gonna
Hold you down
When you shake?
Who's gonna
Come around
When you break?"
"You didn't appreciate her when she was with you, you took her for granted, then acted all territorial when she came to me for support." Luke continues with his arsenal of cold, stainless steel truth, even more amplified by Brad's silence and my muffled sobs. "And you assumed we were fucking! You saw that as a chance to cheat on her. And to really fuck her up, her sister! You don't think I know about her sister? The princess---"
"Stop, just stop! No more, please." I scream again, especially when he said "princess". The pain becomes even worse, a different kind. A pain from a long time ago. "I've already put it behind me!"
"You put it behind you because what? You avoided everyone? Did you forget how you screamed in anger when I was here? Did you forget the mess he left behind? Did you forget how much pain you were in? How much you cried?"
Silence.
"He chose your sister because he knew. He knew damn well it would just shatter your self-esteem. He knew it would fuck you up royally." He softens his voice---and tone---when he sees the crumbling state I'm in. "Now tell me, how can he claim he loves you when he intentionally hurts you like this? What kind of man does that?"
"I made a mistake, okay?" Brad finally breaks his silence. "Lyn is the only woman I've ever loved. I know I hurt her, but she forgave me."
Silence.
"Lyn, you can't marry him!"Luke cries out in some sort of desperation, frantically grabbing my hands. "He doesn't deserve you!"
"She can do whatever she wants! Stay out of it!"
"Like hell I will!"
"Fuck you!"
"Both of you, please stop!" I yell out with all of my might, trying to get both of their attention, but white streaks of light suck out whatever is left of my energy. My heart hammers wildly as sweat breaks through my face, causing a nauseating feeling to the pit of my stomach. It feels as if I'm being spun around in a thousand directions and I am losing my sanity---as well as my sense of balance.
"I can't...take...any more..."
"You can't go on
Thinkin'
Nothin's wrong
Who's gonna
Drive you home
Tonight?"
*Copyright 2013 Lyn C.S.*
----------------------------
"Drive" by The Cars
Video by: ScoobyIsAwsome
Wow! Wow! Wow!!
ReplyDeleteHoly shit! You can't end the chapter like that!!
I really have gone back to full on hating Brad, it's not fair for him to ask Lyn to marry him and to forgive him for all he's done. Poor Lyn she's so confused and full of conflicting emotions, I hope she's going to be ok!
I think Luke was right to tell Brad how Lyn really felt even though she felt it was harsh. Brad needs to realise how much he deeply hurt her and I think Lyn needed to hear it. She probably won't thank him for it straight away but later on I think she will and realise he did it because he loves her:)
Wonderful chapter and your writing is amazing, I had goosebumps all through it! <3
Hehe I know. Considering how you ended your last chapter, payback! Muawahaha! JK! :P Well, Brad is Brad, and he goes for what he wants. In a way, Luke did him a favor when he left because now he got to swoop in and try to sweep Lyn off her feet while she still has feelings for him. Lyn is even more confused now, especially now that Luke is back and Brad proposed. What's a girl to do?
DeleteI agree, Lyn needed to hear the truth from Luke, especially while Brad was there, so she can truly see the person responsible. Luke definitely did it out of love and as a friend, but his anger made him even more harsh especially after seeing her with Brad. He was crushed.
Thank you so much for the kind words and for your feedback, Clairey!
Although I agree with what Luke said to Brad about the whole sleeping with the sister. He is pot calling the kettle black. He slept with his ex even though Lyn and Brad doesn't know that yet. He also Hit a woman and to my knowledge Brad has never done that.
ReplyDeleteLyn did say she forgive Brad and I think long term they can work through it and make a good go of things. As for Luke, hit the road. If he had never hit his ex then I'd saying Luke, Brad, Luke, Brad see I would have been undecided but I'm not anymore.
You know, you make a good point. Luke slept with Natalie, and he vowed to never want anything to do with her. But he found himself in a moment of weakness, just like Lyn. He's definitely being hypocritical by calling Lyn out for sleeping with Brad, especially when she doesn't know what he did.
DeleteYou also make a good point about Luke hitting a woman, which is inexcusable. Nope, Brad has never hit anyone. He's had his share of abuse from his dad, and that's one thing he tried not to do---inflict physical pain on anyone, especially a woman. Although in Luke's case, it was in a moment of anger, and he felt ashamed about it afterwards. With Brad, he slept with Lyn's sister twice. The first time can be a mistake, but the second time is intentional.
It's really interesting to see where people draw the line when it comes to cheating vs. hitting. I don't blame you at all for losing respect for Luke after that.
Thanks for your feedback, Lckgirl!
I'm with Luke on this how in the hell is she even remotely trying to be upset at Luke????
ReplyDelete"Are you happy now, Luke?"----This really? Um what the fuck does he have to be happy about? YOU lied to Brad about sleeping with Luke. Luke didn't do anything wrong in stating he didn't sleep with you especially since he wasn't in on your little lie but you wanna ask him that question. You are pissing me off Lyn (story Lyn not real Lyn)
"I've already put it behind me!"---Bullshit!!! It's been one night of half way dealing with what he did and he hasn't even been completely honest with you yet. He fucked your sister not once but TWICE!!!!! The second time her brought her home to YOUR HOME AND YOUR BED, he wanted you to see. He picked her for a reason, he fucked her for a reason to hurt you in the worst way possible and you put it behind you??? Are you fucking kidding me with that shit!!!!!!
OMG I'm screaming SCREAMING in frustration over here still. She actually was considering saying yes. It's been one day, you slept with him, still haven't fully dealt with everything and was going to say yes.
Luke...my Luke. I keep telling Brad that he's just a friend, that there's nothing going on. Or is that...what I tell myself? Sure, we've gotten close lately and we flirt on the phone sometimes, which led to some sexually charged conversations---but he never made plans to see me again---or for me to see him. It seems his interest in me has simmered down to a more protective nature, especially since that day he left my house. Brad, on the other had, seems ready to give me what I want.----Really what does Brad give you??? Half truths and sex. That's it. Luke was trying to give you the time you needed to heal but you don't want that. You rather he take advantage of how you were feeling and just hide everything behind sex. Is that really what you want???
UGHHHHHHH shit shit shit shit shit. This is just UGH. I mean really come on. I'm so glad Luke didn't just walk away when he saw them. I'm glad he tried to confront Brad on his shit and called Lyn out on hers as well. Honestly right now I don't think that Lyn deserves Luke. That's how totally and utterly frustrated I am with her right now.
And she still doesn't know about what Brad did to Luke where Natalie is concerned. :( Now she's done gone and passed out because she is having to confront all the demons she tried to hide.
I don't see this ending well for anyone at this point. Luke is hurt and angry and I understand why he reacted the way he did. Lyn wants to bury her head in the sand and pretend all is ok but she still needs to confront her sister as well.
Luke has his own demons to deal with because if it comes out about his night with Natalie I see Lyn turning things on him possibly. Although it's been years since they broke up, he handled that situation wrong. I still can't believe he slapped her like he did. That took rough sex to a whole new level and the fact he could hit her like that is troubling.
What Luke was giving Lyn is exactly what she needed. Time and space to breathe and deal with things. Sadly she was avoiding most of it, but the distance was giving her time to think. Brad showed up and made her confront some of it, but Luke in his anger has really made her see the raw truth of it and she needed that.
Right now she needs to send them both away, and she needs to go home. She still needs to deal with her sister in all of this.
You said everything I wanted to say.
Delete100% agree with your comment!
Mica,
DeleteFirst of all, wow! When I saw your long comment, I definitely got excited! lol I couldn't wait to read it. I agree, Lyn shouldn't have been upset at Luke but she was upset at the fact that she got in front of Brad. Then he forced her to confront everything that Brad did, which was definitely something she didn't expect and she was mortified. To hear someone else remind her of what Brad did, it just got too real. Luke basically disturbed her safe little world of denial.
Oh man, she has no clue that Brad slept with Naveah twice and slept with Natalie. If she ever found out, she will flip. As far as she's concerned, Brad made a mistake and it was a one time thing. She doesn't know the whole truth about Luke or Brad. And yup, she was considering saying yes. She is that lonely and vulnerable. Sorry that she's frustrating you, Mica :( HUGS! I honestly didn't expect her to react like that as I was writing this chapter but at the same time, I'm not surprised. Luke just came in and disrupted her "safe" little world. She basically didn't like hearing that she was looking like an idiot for sleeping with Brad, and basically letting him off the hook.
I agree about Brad giving her half-truths and sex. But she doesn't see it this way. Sure, their sexual chemistry plays a huge role in it and is tainting her thinking, but she actually likes the idea of having a family with someone and being happy. If she wasn't so vulnerable, she would understand what Luke is trying to do. But she hasn't completely dealt with everything, like you said.
If I was Luke I'd be pretty frustrated and pissed off too. He came to tell her how he feels, only to catch her with Brad. Then she gets upset at Luke for calling Brad out on his behavior. Even I'm starting to wonder if she's ready for someone like Luke because she certainly can't appreciate him right now. Still, she doesn't know that he slept with Natalie and hit her. If she found out, who knows? So yeah, Luke certainly has his demons.
That's right, the sister. Another demon Lyn needs to deal with. In fact, she needs to deal with her parents too.
Thanks for your feedback, Mica!
Lauren, thanks for your feedback!
DeleteLyn, I SWEAR!!! IF SHE IS PREGNANT AGAIN WITH BRAD'S BABY..... I SWEAR!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDelete*Strain*
I'm trying so hard not to slam on the keys as I type... so hard!
I SWEAR I'LL HURT SOMETHING!!!!!!
You know what...
DeleteMy ending, as far as this story is concerned, Lyn stays alone for the rest of her life, or until the next asshole comes along, 'cause she seems to attract that type.
Lyn doesn't deserve Luke. No one does! Luke considers everyone's feelings and always get screwed over. He should just stay alone and let everyone weep when he dies. Just because they missed out on something good.
Lyn wanted a happy ending and kids and a white picket fence, but she keeps screwing up. At this point I'm seriously thinking she deserves Brad. If she can't see the bad in him or the hurt he puts her through, she'll be blind to every good in her life too, so she'll be content either way. What difference does it make...
Brad... dig a fucking hole and die!
Oh crap, I hadn't considered that she might be pregnant again. That would be a reason to pass out, wouldn't it? lol Then again, they just had sex the night before and he used a condom AND he didn't finish. Although it's unlikely, things have been know to happen. Sheesh, is it me or every time you read one of my updates, your blood pressure goes up, making you want to throw your keyboard? lol Hmm...maybe you shouldn't be reading this story! Your health comes first :P
DeleteYou make a good point though about Lyn attracting assholes. She has certainly dated her share, and right now one is still in her life. Now about her not deserving Luke, I can see why people would think that since she seems oblivious to what he's been trying to do to her. But remember, she doesn't know about him sleeping with Natalie or hitting her. So he's not so innocent either.
Lyn is still a mess, even more so now that Luke showed up and took away her safety net of denial. But you're right, if she just lets Brad get away with everything he's done then she's teaching him to treat her like that. But maybe that's what she wants. Maybe that's what she thinks she deserves. And that's the disturbing part.
Thanks for your feedback, JM!
Holy shit.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I'm not feeling so supportive of Brad anymore. While I don't like the fact that Lyn lied about Luke, I totally get WHY. I'm going to say it again in case it hasn't registered with some folks: Brad. Fucked. Her. Sister. More than once, deliberately, even knowing full well how she treated Lyn and how insecure she always made her feel. He's pretty much shown his true colors here.
Lyn is not exactly being very smart either, but in her case, I can cut her a bit of slack. Not much though. She needs to get her head out of her ass and realize who really values her as a human being and who is just too scared to be alone with himself.
*bangs head on (padded) wall in frustration* Luke needs to drop the Natalie bomb like, yesterday. Lyn needs to know everything, no matter how painful, before she makes a potentially life-altering decision.
Brad, time to pack up the tent and get the fuck out of town.
Yeah, it's a little different hearing it from Luke, isn't it? lol He basically delivered the cold, hard truth and make sure none of us forgot what happened, especially Lyn. She doesn't know that Brad slept with Naveah twice, but she doesn't know about Luke's indiscretions either. One thing for sure, Brad definitely went after Lyn's self-esteem with that one, going for her sister. He went for the jugular.
DeleteHer vulnerability and loneliness is definitely affecting her frame of mind and she's not making the best choices. Forgiving the man that screwed her over and getting upset at the man who really cares about her. She seems to be pushing Luke away, so she needs to be careful.
Yup, Lyn needs to know about what Brad did with Natalie. If Luke wants any type of chance, he needs to tell her. But he needs to be careful because he has his own demons too.
Thanks for your feedback, Karri!
Dear Lyndsey,
ReplyDeleteThanks for the email telling me about chapter 41. You are awesome I think I found your bestest work yet. everytime you write you get better and better. keep up the good work cupcake keep in touch.
Thank you so much for the kind words, Tom! I'm glad you enjoyed that chapter. Stay tuned for more! :)
DeleteUNNNNHHHHH!!!! Brad! Yeah, she may have SAID she loves you, but that doesn't mean she's ready to run down the aisle yet.
ReplyDeleteLUKE, WHERE ARE YOU!?!?!
I can't stand it.
no. no no no no no.
*not commenting, reading*
FUCK
And.... she faints. weakling.
Yeah, okay. I can see why Jazen was pissed.
Thank God for that 'Newer post' button.
If Heat doesn't pick up right here, I"m skipping it for now.
I know, right? She's been holding stuff in, thought she finally contronted her demons with Brad, only to be reminded by Luke that she's far from okay. It was all too much for her and she fainted. She could only run from the truth so much before it catches up with her.
DeleteHaha weakling. I think this is what people call a nervous breakdown. :P Mica definitely gave me a piece of her mind after this chapter. And lemme tell you, as much as I loved reading her comment, I was shivering in fear...just a lil bit. lol
Thanks for your feedback, Brooke!
There's your answer, Lyn, you dodo bird! Who is the only one you completely trust? Huh?? Speak it, say it... say no please say no to Brad. I agree with every single word that Luke said... ugh! ... haha.... great update ^_^
ReplyDelete