Chapter Forty-Seven (You And I)

Previously, on "Memoirs Of A City Girl":
Ch. 46 (Love Won't Let Me Wait)
-The sight of Luke in such pain overpowered my ability to reason.
-I knew that once we crossed the boundaries of our friendship,
there would be no turning back.
-The moment our lips met, nothing else mattered.
-We made love like there was no tomorrow---
raw, without inhibitions, without reservations, finally surrendering
to lifetimes of desire, need and separation.
-He brought me out of my shell, I cradled his broken heart.
-Together, we bridged the past and present through 
emotional, physical and spiritual release.
-Luke proved to me that he was better than Brad in every way.
-He showed me an assertive, dominant side of himself, which I loved.
-I taught him that I was there no matter what,
 even when he got emotional, even when he struggled to keep going.
-Everything, including the history and feelings, 
came back---along with Jesse.
-I found myself falling in love with Luke.
-I found myself completely terrified.

*Graphic sexual content, strong language*

Location: 1557 Memorial Parkway

Date: Wednesday, 11/9/2011

Time: 7:25 a.m.

When I open my eyes, I find myself sprawled out on the wooden floor, in Luke’s arms. I smile to myself as flashbacks of his fervent hands and mouth on my body resurface, and my heart does little tumbles. When I glance at the alarm clock next to the nightstand, it’s already past seven. I hadn’t planned on staying this long, let alone the night, but there’s no way I can make it back to Appaloosa on time. It would take me over two hours just to drive back. By now, I’d be in my classroom setting up the lessons for the day, grading assignments or making last minute copies. 

After peeling myself off his beautiful, naked, sleeping body, I tiptoe towards his computer to create an emergency subplan that includes today’s assignments and classroom procedures. Luckily, I already planned out my lessons for a whole month and they are accessible online. Immediately after letting the school secretary know that I’m not feeling well, I email her my instructions for the substitute teacher.  I feel a pang of guilt for not showing up for work, but Luke is more important right now, and he needs me. All I want to do is spend the rest of the day with him.

After searching his fridge and cabinets, I find enough ingredients to make his favorite: pancakes. I remember him telling me that there’s nothing hotter than a girl that can cook. In her undies. So here I am, waiting for the bubbles to appear in the batter, before I flip it on the buttered pan---in the same bra and panties that I showed up with yesterday.

 “Mmm,” a deep, velvety voice brushes the side of my neck as strong, warm arms envelop my waist, pulling me against an oh-so-familiar muscular body. “Morning, babygirl.”

“Morning daddy,” I whisper, trying to control the swarm of butterflies circling at the pit of my stomach. Did I just call him daddy? Lord help me.   

“God, that’s hot.” His lips slowly graze the length of my collarbone; planting impossibly light kisses on my bare skin, making me nearly collapse in weakness. “Say it again.”

“M-morning daddy,” I stammer, leaning against him as my eyes close shut, savoring the way he naturally smells in the cool dew of fall morning---with nothing but his boxer briefs on. His just-woke-up voice sounds even deeper, nearly vibrating through my eardrums with just a hint of baritone. And need. Impatient, aching need.

Somehow I finished making the rest of the pancakes despite the agonizing distraction of Luke’s body against mine. If his hands moved any higher…or lower…that would have been it. I would have been bent over the stove again and I wouldn’t have cared if I burned myself. With the sweet aroma of toasty vanilla lingering in the air---reminiscent of a bakery---I watch the pat of butter melt on my plate of hot, golden brown, crumbly little cakes.

Quietly, I break off a piece with my fork and drag it on a small moat of maple syrup before dropping it in my mouth. For the first time, I am at a loss for words, knowing Luke is right in front of me. Usually there’s a comfortable, playful energy between us; allowing us to talk about everything and anything. When we’re on the phone, the words practically burst upon hearing each other’s voices and we have to consciously say ‘sorry, go ahead’.

But now…now that we’ve bared our bodies and souls to each other, now that we’ve seen a glimpse of each other’s vulnerabilities through unrestrained physical passion----I find myself nervous---and helpless in his presence. It’s like slowly sinking into quicksand and all I can do is watch myself submerge, with no one in sight to lend me a hand.

After taking another bite, he carefully studies my face. His mouth curves into a smile as he asks, “Did you get any sleep?”

“A little bit, you?”

“A little bit.”

“I hope you feel better this morning,” I return his sexy smile, which just absolutely melts my insides.

“Yes…I do.” His pale green eyes light up, unveiling the dark clouds of grief contaminating their clarity, and for a brief moment, they glow in silent gratitude.

“I’m glad,” I reply softly before I look away and focus on my barely-touched pancakes. I know there’s nothing I can do to bring his father back. If I could, I would. But if I can take away his pain even for just a moment, it makes everything worth it. Even if all I can be to him is a good friend.

I can feel his gaze burning through me; stirring the loose, elecrtrically charged particles flittering around us before sucking them in our vicinity; buzzing around, condensing---until it feels like the air is solidifying, it’s so thick. As my pulse steadily climbs, ordering my lungs to catch up, our eyes lock in an infinite dance; yielding, beckoning. A sudden craving for him, for his body, for his skin, for his touch, for his mouth. A desperate need to dive into a hazy ocean of muffled breaths, deep moans, hasty thrusts, gyrating tongues and sticky, salty sweat.

“There’s…” I manage to voice my thoughts as my shyness dissolves, but my thighs continue to press together; shifting in my seat, feeling my panties getting soaked. “There’s one thing I didn’t get to do last night.”

His Adam’s apple slowly moves up and down his throat. “And…what’s that?”

Holding his eyes captive---which are now a slick forest green---I leave my seat, quietly moving towards him until my breasts are level with his face. Now looking up at me, his hands reach blindly for my hips. I nearly jump at his touch, sending shivers up my spine before they escape my mouth as a soft moan. Breathlessly, I cup his handsome face, briefly tracing its symmetrical contours with my fingers before they run through his thick, brown hair.

“This.” I lower myself until my knees make contact with the hard wooden floor, until I’m the one looking up at him, nestled comfortably between his legs.

“Oh, shit.” He lets out a quick breath, sitting back languidly in his chair, completely caught off guard.

“I want to feel you,” my hands slowly roam up and down his thighs before tugging at his boxer briefs, freeing his substantial erection. “Taste you,” my fingers circle him at the base, squeezing as my hand gently moves up and down his hard length. “Suck you,” my eyes continue to probe his as I lean close enough to bury nearly all of him between my breasts.

“Mother of---” he bucks, nearly whimpering, “Lyn, you don’t…have to do this.”

“I want to. I want to so bad.” I continue to stroke him, pleading with my eyes, with my most angelic voice, until the only vocabulary that can possibly come out of his mouth is ‘yes’. “Please, Luke. Let me.”

He nods quietly.

I give him a gratified smile before I lean in and slowly run my tongue up and down the whole length of his shaft. The mere whiff of his slightly musky scent---mixed with his sweat and undeniably masculine pheromones---sends me over the edge. With my fingers holding him at the base, I slowly engulf him with my hot, moist mouth; one thick inch at a time, until I can feel him tickling the back of my throat. As his breathing quickens, so does the movement of my mouth, squeezing him, licking him and tasting his sweet saltiness. “Mmm…so hard…so smooth in my mouth,” I whisper as I alternate between gently sucking the head and swirling my tongue around it, “you taste better than I imagined.”

“Oh my God, Lyn...” he cries out in a nearly inaudible gasp as he reaches for my head and takes a clump of my hair in his hand.

“Don’t hold back. Come on, Luke. Say it.”

“Yes…yesss, suck it. God baby, that tongue,” he presses himself deeper into my mouth, nearly pulling my hair, “Keep swirling it like that…holy fuck!”

“Mmmm,” stroking him even faster, I watch my saliva drip down his balls, getting insanely turned on at his response, at the steamy heat radiating between us, with the way his body reacts to my touch. My tongue returns to the head, licking and flicking it around the edges like a cone of melting soft serve ice cream. “Like that?”

“Just…l-like…that…”

His breathing deepens as he slumps back in the chair; throbbing and pulsating in my mouth and hand, knowing he’s approaching his release. In a dizzy state of nirvana, I steal a glance at his face---head tilted back, mouth parted, thighs trembling, eyes closed, chest heaving mixed with guttural cries of pleasure. That’s it. That’s the glimpse of heaven. That’s the place he took me to last night. Just the sight of pure, unadulterated bliss on his face ramps up my senses, and I get ready for his climax. “Come hard for me, daddy. In my mouth.”

He murmurs, “I wanna come inside you.”

In savage impatience, he effortlessly lifts me up and places me on the dining table, right between our plates of cold, half-eaten pancakes. He pulls my panties down and enters me hard and fast; in frantic bursts, his hot breath on my face, until his mouth finds my breasts and frees them from my bra. Licking, sucking, biting the nipples hard. I cry out in pain, moaning, urging him to go deeper…and deeper…and deeper…until there is nowhere else in this universe he can possibly call his home. As the table shakes, I can hear the subtle clink of the forks and ceramic plates until they meet their inevitable descent on the floor with a loud crash.

“Do you…feel me?” he whispers raggedly as he pumps faster, shooting a copious amount of hot, thick liquid inside my swollen walls.

“Yes…I feel you,” I whimper, caressing his flushed face, “I always f-feel you.”

After the aftermath of our unexpected breakfast tryst, Luke picks me up from the table and holds on to my shoulders as I try to regain my balance. In a daze, I slowly pull my panties back up. "Um…our breakfast is all over the floor,” I observe, completely taken aback at the sight of mangled pancakes, sticky syrup, plate fragments and forks under the table.

“Yeah,” he lifts me up and takes a few steps back, away from the crime scene. “Sorry about that.”

“You are sooo not sorry.” I snicker, turning my face slightly until our eyes meet, his lips only a breath away from mine. I reach over to caress the angle of his jawline---feeling the stubble of facial hair---before pulling him in to plant a soft, lingering kiss on his lips. My heart. Oh, my poor heart. How it aches for him. What a terrifying, yet enchanting feeling this is, to fall in love with my best friend. To feel so much passion for someone that I trust more than anything. To feel completely safe, yet it feels as if I’m being dangled in the middle of a giant fire pit, and all I have to hold on to is a thin string of trepidation.

“You’re right. I’m not,” he chuckles, squeezing me even tighter, “I’d much rather have you for breakfast.”

“God...”

“I can’t help it. I want you so bad.”

“Mmm…I want you too.”

He gently nibbles on my earlobe and whispers, “You know what I’ve always wanted to do?”

“T-tie me up and…” The words barely form from my thoughts as his warm breath melts my neck, causing shivers to trickle down my arms. “Drop…melted candlewax…all over my naked body?”

“Um…no, but that sounds hot as hell.”

I shake my head and laugh. “What then?”

“I’ve always wanted to slow dance with you.”

Be still my heart. My poor, foolish heart. It just exploded into a million unsuspecting pieces. “Really?”

“Really. My parents used to…all the time.”

“My dad would sing this Stevie Wonder song to my mom,” he reminisces as he turns me around and pulls me close to him, until our bodies are pressed cozily against each other. Our eyes meet again. Slowly, I wrap my arms around his neck, following the silent sway of his body, a sort of hypnotizing pendulum of our heartbeats alternating, knowing we’ve done this before in another life, possibly many lives. The familiarity is so astounding, yet so new, because it is in fact our first time. “The song that…that they danced to...on their wedding.”

I nod quietly.

“And you know my dad…he can’t---couldn’t sing worth a damn tune. But…he’d pour his heart out to my mom…and…and…they would just get lost in each other…and---”

“Everything else disappears?”

“Yes,” he nods.  His eyes become heavy and misty as they search mine; a loneliness so overwhelming that it grips my heart, nearly suffocating me. I know that feeling. I’ve known it all my life; that search, that inexplicable void, that need to find someone I can share all parts of myself with---the good, the bad, the beautiful and the ugly. As if it’s the only way to survive the realities of this cold, harsh world. I thought I was just being a hopeless romantic, but I was wrong. It was Luke that I was looking for all along. I somehow knew he existed, even if he was a figment of my naïve imagination. And somehow, as if reading my mind, he sings, “Here we are on earth together, it’s you and I.”

“Oh, Luke,” I smile, deliriously haunted by the tenderness and vulnerability in his voice, “That’s one of my favorite songs in the whole world.”

"God has made us fall in love, it's true." He continues, his forehead touching mine, an exchange of static energy between our skins, "I really found someone like you."

“I only pray that I have shown you a brighter day,” I add, kissing the tip of his nose. Of all the songs he had to pick, it’s the one closest to my heart, with lyrics I know like the back of my hand. Without warning, I become bombarded with dangerous visions. Marrying this man, sharing a home with him, having his beautiful children and loving him; trying to make him happy---until death temporarily parts us again. I can feel it. I can taste it. Being this close to that kind of happiness, it hurts. It hurts to want it, and it hurts even more not to have it. A warm tear trickles down my face as I continue, “Because that’s all I am living for, you see. Don’t worry what happens to me.”

“Lyn…”

“Hmm?”

“Why aren’t we together?”

Why aren’t we together? This question echoes in my mind over and over again. It’s so simple, I almost don’t trust it. Not even the strong gust of snow peeking from the windows can distract me from the truth of this question---perhaps even the sharp truth of the answer. It’s almost like the sun peering into my face and asking what would I would do if it stopped shining. What would I do? I would die. I would slowly freeze in bleak darkness. "Luke…”

“After everything we’ve been through, we found each other again,” he gently grabs my chin, forcing me to meet his gaze, “What are we waiting for?”

“I just don’t want to rush into things.”

“Lyn, I’ve waited two years and God knows how many lifetimes for you! How much longer can I wait?”

“I don’t know, okay?” I look away, feeling angry at him for putting me on the spot. A myriad of thoughts run through my head, crashing into each other in conflict. So much has happened. What I went through with Brad, what I went through with William and Jesse, and now this. So, so close to my happy ending, yet mortified that I might lose it all. Can I survive that kind of pain again? “I just…I don’t need all this pressure right now!”

“No,” he murmurs as he pulls away from me, allowing the cool draft of air to wedge itself between us, “not this again.”

“What?”

“Why are you making it so complicated?”

“I’m not! I just need time!”

“If you don’t want to be with me now, you’ll never want to be with me.”

“That’s not true!”

"Will it say

The love you feel for me

Will it say that you will

Be by my side

To see me through

Until my life is through”

“Go back to Brad! Marry him! Have his kids!” His eyes---which were filled with warmth and tenderness just a few minutes ago--- are now piercing me with brutal contempt. His once gentle words now swarm me like sharp icicles, burrowing through me unexpectedly and deliberately. This sudden change in energy is quite unnerving, further fueling the growing distance between us. “I really don’t give a shit anymore!”

“Luke, that’s not fair!”

“Just leave!”

 Just leave? Just leave?? He won’t even give me a chance to explain myself. After everything that’s happened, after what we just shared, he pushes me away, making me feel like a damn fool. I’m so immobilized by my own shock that there’s nothing left but anger. Seething, boiling, throbbing anger from a place I can’t even remember, making me cry out, “Oh, so you want to put all the blame on me? YOU left for war! YOU left me pregnant and all alone! YOU left the next day when we got too close and almost had sex! When I needed you the---”

His eyes widen. “Lyn---”

“Let me finish!  You were a scared little chicken shit. Instead of staying with me, you left. That’s what you do. I fall for you and you end up leaving me!”

“You know what? Just go! I wish---” his voice breaks, followed by flooded eyes, “I wish I never met you!”  

“You sure about that, Luke?” I find the strength to keep my composure, despite the daggers and knives and razor blades attacking my heart like a pack of wild hyenas, ripping it to bloody shreds. It takes whatever ounce of pride I have left not to let my voice falter. “You really…want me out of your life?”

Silence.

“F-fine,” I mutter, quickly slipping into my jeans and top, unable to control the hot tears dripping down my face. “I won’t b-bother you again.”

I grab my purse from the nightstand and head towards the door.

“Lyn…”

I pause.

“I love you….”

Despite every fiber of my being screaming at me to turn around, I open the door and walk out.

"Cause' in my mind,

You will stay here always

In love, you and I

You and I

You and I"

*Copyright 2013 Lyn C.S.*

------------------------------------

"You And I" by Stevie Wonder
Video by: kcamowje