Ch. 32 (You Know You're Right)
-I found my dad passed out drunk on the sofa.
-Despite his nasty attitude, I cleaned up after him and made lunch. I've been taking care of him and J.C. since my mother walked out on us.
-We got into an argument when I tried to take his liquor away. He tried to play the victim, claiming that J.C. and I don't care about him. I had enough. I finally stood up to him, and let him know how unfair it was that he treated us all like shit. I left after that.
-After feeling lost and alone, I decided to do the right thing by returning Lyn's car to her parents. It was a risky move on my part, but they were all I had left as far as a normal family. It felt so good to see them again.
-Mrs. Santori asked if I heard from Lyn. I felt like my heart was going to collapse, being pulled in two directions: telling the truth or saving my own ass.
-What the hell am I supposed to do?
*Strong language*
Location: 272 Windsor Drive
Date: Tuesday, 11/1/11
Time: 5:45 p.m.
"What are you doing here?!" Naveah whispers after she motions for me to join her in the dim hallway, her eyes shifting around to make sure nobody is looking. Her soft, angelic voice alone bombards my mind with images of her bent over the bathroom stall, moaning deeply, her skirt raised up to her hips. Flashbacks of Luke kissing Lyn in my own home, looking deep in her eyes with so much longing, would not escape me. I thought she only had eyes for me, that I was the only man she would ever desire, but my jealousy destroyed whatever ability I had left to reason. I wanted to hurt her. I wanted to gain back control.
"I was just bringing back Lyn's car." I mutter, somewhat relieved that I can't see her eyes behind the dark, crystal-rimmed shades. I never thought I would see her again...oh, who am I kidding? What the fuck did I expect? She's Lyn's sister. What was I thinking? Just the sight of her, merely a few feet from me, triggers intense feelings of guilt and shame, but at the same time, images of her naked body writhing against mine feels so wrong that it makes my pulse react.
"You need to leave. My family can never find out what happened!!" Even her dark shades can't hide the panic rising in her voice.
"Don't you feel bad about what we did? It's your sister! Do you have any idea what she went through because of us?" The words coming out of my mouth, no matter how hard they are to accept, brings reality even closer to home. I've done a lot of fucked up things in my life, a lot of things I'm not proud of. You can call me an asshole, a dick, a heartless prick. I even fucked Luke's girlfriend just to give him a taste of the misery I felt with my own life. Was it out of jealousy? Probably. Now looking back, who was I really trying to hurt? Luke or Lyn? Or both of them?
"I don't really care. You said she was taking you for granted, so she got what she deserved. Now leave!"
"No, fuck that. She didn't deserve any of that. I'm sorry, but I can't do this anymore." Now I am haunted by the look on Lyn's face when she caught us in bed...the indescribable shock and pain her eyes...knowing I permanently damaged the love we had for each other. What's even worse was when she told me she was pregnant with my child at the lake...her eyes...as if something inside her died. I was so excited to learn that I was going to be a father, thinking there was a glimmer of hope in the situation, only to find out that she lost the baby...because of me. And when she told me that I destroyed her heart, that she had nothing left to give...it just kills me inside.
"What do you mean? What are you gonna do? Brad!!" She tries grab my arm, but I pull away.
Without saying another word, I walk back to the living room.
"Everything okay, son?" Mr. Santori asks when I sit back down next to him and Adam. Shit, he called me son. This is going to be even harder than I thought. Everything I've done in my life...good and bad...has come down to this.
"Yes sir..." My heart feels like its going to explode out of my chest, this incessant nagging to make a decision. This is the moment. My breath gets caught in my throat. My hands are shaking. I can't think. Lyn. She's alone in some strange town because of me. Lyn. She lost the baby because of me.
"What's going on, Brad?" Adam looks at me with a look of concern. He looks up to me. If he finds out what I did, he will never speak to me again. Lyn...
"I have something to tell you guys." The words slowly escape my mouth, this thing called truth urges me to keep going. The silence in the room is almost overwhelming as their eyes focus on me, anticipating what I am about to say. This is Lyn's family. I am the only person right now that can help them. Even if it means being cut out of their life after this. If I'm gonna do this, I need to just come out with it. "I know where Lyn is. I ran into her outside the hospital in Appaloosa Plains."
"Is she okay?" Mr. Santori murmurs.
"Yes, she's okay."
"A million miles away
Your signal in the distance
To whom it may concern
I think I lost my way
Getting good at starting over
Every time that I return"
"What is she doing there?" Mrs. Santori asks.
"She ran off after she caught me in bed...with...Naveah..." My eyes slam shut at the sound of my heart sinking to the floor. I look at each and every one of them...their eyes burning in shock at what they just heard. I feel the walls closing in on me, this immense feeling of being trapped, and all I want to do is run out the door. But I can't even move. I feel paralyzed by my own fear...the realization that I am exactly what they thought I was...a lying, cheating loser.
"You what??!!" Mr. Santori turns to me, appalled at what he just heard.
"Sir, let me finish...please. She was also 10 weeks pregnant, but she lost the baby..."
"You son of a bitch!!" Mr. Santori raises up from the couch, his eyes blazing in anger, and disgust. His hands ball up into a fist as his body rushes towards me. I get ready to brace myself, in the very same fashion when my dad gets ready to pop me in the face, but Adam plants himself in the middle.
"No, dad!!" Adam cries out as he places his hands between me and Mr. Santori. Had Adam waited a second too long, I would have been on the ground with his dad on top of me.
"Naveah, get your ass in here young lady!!" Mr. Santori's voice thunders across the living room as he looks at Adam, then his wife, then back at me. "I'm not done with you."
"Daddy, he's lying!! I would never do anything like that!" Naveah pleads, her voice even more angelic and innocent. How can Mr. Santori resist such an endearing cry? If its true that she's the favorite kid, I can imagine her getting away with murder all her life..possibly even with this mess.
"What would Brad gain from making up all this? Is this true Nav? Did you sleep with your sister's boyfriend??" He asks, trying to search an ounce of truth in his daughter's eyes.
"No, daddy! Please believe me!"
"Then look me in the eye and tell me the truth. Are you capable of doing this to your sister? After everything she has done for you and this family? Look at me, goddamn it!!" He pulls her chin up by the hand and forces her to meet his unrelenting gaze.
"No...I...would...never...." Unable to withstand her father's gaze, her eyes drop to the ground, along with her faltering voice.
"I can't believe you. After all that we have done for you. After all that Lyn has done for you. You disgrace this family by acting like a whore. This whole time we protected you because of your fragile health. But we did not raise you to act like this!!" Mr. Santori's words cut through his daughter, forcing her to look at the ground, unable to face the truth in his eyes.
"Frank, that's enough! Lyndsey is the one acting like whore when she moved in with Brad. She not take care of him. You take her side now?" Mrs. Santori interrupts, defending her oldest daughter.
"Xhun, I've had enough of your excuses for Nav. For once, let her take responsibility for her own actions!! I will not let you belittle Lyn anymore. Especially after what she's been through!"
"Frank--"
"Enough!!"
"Daddy, please don't do this to me. Don't you love me??" Tears run down Naveah's eyes as she finds the courage to look at her own father, knowing her own world is crumbling in front of her.
"I do love you, pumpkin. And its because I love you that I can't protect you anymore. You have two weeks to move out."
"Daddy, no!! That's not fair!! I'm sorry, okay??" She pleads, in panic, but Mr. Santori is unaffected.
"You wanna talk about fair? Ask your sister. Keep complaining and I'll make it one week."
"Now you listen to me and you listen good. You are going to write down Lyn's address. Then you will leave and you will never set foot in this house again. Do you understand me?" His gaze is so intense, with his anger just simmering above the surface of his face. I have never in my life been afraid of anyone until now. Not because he can physically or emotionally hurt me like my father did, but because I earned this man's respect...and I lost it. Just like Luke's dad, he treated me like his own son. I guess this is the price for doing the right thing, but it hurts like hell. I feel like shit. How can I ever live with myself again, now that they know what I did?
"Yes, sir." I mutter, holding his gaze. My heart and hands may be shaking in fear, but at least I'm still able to look him in the eye like a man, and own up to what I did. I may be the scum of the earth right now, but this scum loves Lyn. And he finally has the balls to make things right for once.
After writing down Lyn's address on a piece of paper and leaving it on the dining table, I walk out the door. I can't bear to look at this family right now, not even to look back. No goodbyes. No pleas for forgiveness. There's no way I can ever expect them to forgive me. I burned any bridges I had left by telling the truth. It was my choice...but still...I just couldn't live with the guilt. The good thing is that they know where Lyn is, and they can visit her if they want. I know that will make her happy...and if she only knew how much her father defended her, she would know just how much she is loved.
There's really nothing else for me to do...but to move on.
"I'm learning to walk again
I believe I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?
I'm learning to talk again
Can't you see I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?"
"Brad, wait up!!"
I hear someone's voice behind me just as I get ready to call a cab. When I turn around, it's Adam running towards me. Shit. I was hoping I wouldn't have to deal with Adam. I feel bad enough as it is, like I let him down as a big brother. He always looked up to me...and now...he probably wants to kick my ass.
"Look, Adam. I'm really sorry man. I really don't know what else to say."
"I just wanted to see if you needed a ride home."
"Oh..."
"Come on, Brad. I'll take you home. You gave me driving lessons, remember?"
"Yeah...thanks bro..."
Location: 99 Embarcadero Drive
Time: 7:03 p.m.
"I thought you didn't want anything to do with me. That's why I left right after." I let out a deep breath, worn out from the events that transpired tonight. I never would have expected Adam to speak to me again, let alone give me a ride home and be sitting on my couch right now.
"Are you kidding me?? Do you know how long I've waited for my parents to call Nav out on her behavior?? She always got away with everything. Just watching my dad ream her out made my whole week!" Adam explains, with a gleam in his eye I can't describe.
"But...Adam...I slept with your sister..."
"I know, and you're an asshole for what you did to Lyn. But you know what? You told the truth. You didn't have to, but you did. And I will always respect you for that. And now my dad kicked Nav out. Do you know how long I've waited for that?? She's the spawn of Satan!"
Spawn of Satan. God, I love this kid.
"But your dad wants me to disappear. He never wants to see my face again. And I don't blame him one bit."
"Yeah, he'll be pissed for a while. I mean dude, you slept with Nav. That's just sick. I'm surprised he didn't shoot you right there.
"I know, man. What the hell was I thinking?"
"Just give it time. Stay away from us for a while and let things blow over. Once Lyn finds out that you told the truth and got Nav kicked out of the house, she'll come around. And once my dad sees that, he'll come around too."
"Lyn doesn't want anything to do with me either, Adam. I really fucked up."
"Yeah you did. Not gonna lie. But I'm really close to Lyn. And you haven't lost me."
"Thanks Adam...I really appreciate that..." Touched by Adam's words, I keep my emotions under control even though I'm on the brink of breaking down. This kid hasn't given up on me. Despite what I did, he's still here. At that very same moment, I hear a melody on t.v. Someone is playing the piano...and the sounds that penetrate my ears puts me in a daze...haunting, tugging at my heartstrings...taking me to another place in time. What is this song? Why do I feel compelled to know the name?? And just when I get up to search the name of the song on the internet, it appears on the screen.
Somewhere In Time...
"You keep alive a moment at a time
But still inside a whisper to a liar
To sacrifice but knowing to survive
The first to find another state of mind
I'm on my knees, I'm waiting for a sign"
"Brad? You alright?" Adam's voice snaps me out of my spell. What happened to the song? It's gone!! I need to hear it again!
"Yeah...I must have spaced out for a sec." The name of the song keeps appearing in my mind. Somewhere In Time. Somewhere In Time. Somewhere In Time. That melody is stuck in my head. No matter how hard I try to think about something else, I can't escape it.
"I can't believe I was going to be an uncle..." He lets out a soft sigh, with a hint of sadness in his voice.
"I know...I was gonna be a dad..." I meet Adam's gaze, holding it for a moment, thinking of what could have been. Then we both look away, as if Lyn's presence suddenly takes over the room...both of us missing her badly, but we can't say it.
"She loves you, Brad. Don't give up on her." The sincerity in his eyes is too much for me to handle. I thought I lost him for good. And to hear Adam say that...gives me a new glimmer of hope.
*Copyright 2012 Lyn C.S.*
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Author's Note: This update was long overdue. What was supposed to be a short hiatus turned into six months. Then I realized that the 20th will be this story's anniversary, exactly a year ago that I posted the first chapter on the Pets forum. So I knew I had to roll up my sleeves and get to writing again. Thanks again for your support, and for continuing to follow Memoirs :-) I miss you guys!
"Walk" by Foo Fighters
Video by: Edwin Felipe
