Ch. 21 (A House Is Not A Home)
-I somehow managed to become medical resident in less than two years.
-Brad finally became a general practitioner.
-However, our success put a strain on our relationship and we hardly saw each other.
-Brad stood me up at the park but Luke was there to keep me company.
-Even though I avoided him him during the last two years, I was still attracted to him.
-When I got home, Brad and I got into a fight.
-I candidly told him that he was "pushing me towards Luke".
-He possessively ravaged me on the kitchen floor.
-Six weeks later, I found out I was pregnant.
*Strong language*
Location: 99 Embarcadero Drive
Date: Wednesday, 10/19/11
Time: 3:11 p.m.
After coming back from the doctor's office, I find out that I am officially 10 weeks (two and a half months) pregnant. I think I've been in denial since seeing the two purple lines in the bathroom seven weeks ago. It was a bittersweet moment: I was happy to find out that I was having Brad's baby, but at the same time the timing could not have been more off. I did not want to be like those women that had a baby just to save their relationship but I feel as if I've found a glimmer of hope in our situation. Maybe this baby will bring us closer, and it will make us change our priorities. The only thing is...I don't know how he's going to react when I tell him. I wanted to wait until I was really sure that I wanted to keep the baby, until I was 100% sure that I'm pregnant. But knowing how committed he's been to his career lately, I'm not even sure if he's going to be excited about this. If he doesn't even have time to meet me at the park, how will he have time to raise this child?
Nothing has really changed since our last fight. I thought that passionate night we had in the kitchen would bring us closer, but it didn't. After standing me up at the Little Corsican Bistro and the movie theater, I had enough. I stopped trying to make plans to spend quality time with him. I stopped waiting up for him at night. I stopped trying to call him at work and his cell phone. I stopped trying period. What's the purpose of being in a relationship if you're lonely, and you can't even count on that person anymore?
I found myself doing something I never thought I would do.
"Hey..."
"Hey, Lyn! It's good to hear from you."
"You too. I umm..." I take a deep breath, trying desperately to hide the shakiness in my voice.
"Lyn...are you okay?"
"I...I'm...I'm fine..." Tears run down my face. No!! Don't cry!
"Where are you at?"
"At home."
"I'll be right there."
Before I get a chance to change out of my bikini, I hear the doorbell. He's here. With my heart pounding, I take a deep breath. What am I doing? If Brad finds out, he's going to flip out. But you know what? He's never here. And it seems like the only time he shows any type of concern is if I mention Luke. He takes me for granted, but he can't stand the thought of another man paying attention to me. Well, fuck him.
Wiping my face until it's completely dry of my tears, I open the door. The sight of Luke standing there in his uniform just about makes my jaw drop. But somehow I find the strength to keep it attached to my face. His pale green eyes penetrate through mine as if he's getting inside my head...and he knows something. Those eyes. God, those eyes. They make my heart stop. Why, oh why do you have to be so damn hot??
"Damn...I mean uhh...hey Lyn." He smiles as his eyes briefly scan my body. Why am I always in a bikini when he's at the door??
"Hi, Luke. Come in." Hearing the door close makes the moment even more real.
"Were you saving lives on the way here?" I try to calm my nerves as he sits next to me. We're alone. He's hot. He's forbidden. How could I allow this to happen?
"Haha. Nah, I just like to wear this around the house." He turns to me and grins sarcastically.
"Show off." I shake my head, chuckling.
"There you go, always undermining me." He runs his hand over his facial hair, creating a scraping sound. That simple move takes my breath away. I start to wonder what it would feel like if it's my hand. Would it feel rough? Or would it feel surpringly soft?
"Is everything okay?" He asks when I fail to come up with a snappy comeback.
"Yeah..." I avoid his eyes, hoping that I'll be able to keep my emotions under control this time.
"Lyn, look at me."
"I don't know what else to do." I finally find the courage to meet his gaze, which is heavy with concern.
"About what?"
"About Brad. He just doesn't seem to care anymore."
"How is that possible? He's crazy about you!"
"I wish he would act like it." As soon as the words escape my lips, the tears escape my eyes. This is the first time I have ever said this out loud, for fear of it coming true. But the reality of it has not hit me until now.
"Come here." He whispers as he puts his arm around me, sending shivers down my spine. Oh dear, what are we doing?? The woodsy, spicy scent of his cologne caress my nose, making my pulse race. I can feel how hard his chest is on my back. I can even feel the heat radiating from his body. This is wrong. I should not be feeling like this! But God, I miss this. I miss feeling like this. I miss the way a man makes me feel so giddy inside.
"He's a moron." He murmurs as he pulls me even closer, slowly running his hand up and down my arm.
"Who is?" I swallow as I try to control my breathing.
"Brad. He doesn't even know what he has." He shakes his head, eyes filled with frustration.
"If only you were---" His eyes burn heavily into mine. For the first time, he allows me to see the passion raging within him, the passion of a man who desires something he would do anything in the world to have.
"Luke...no.." I interrupt him, trying to be rational as his hot breath brushes my face, making my heart skip a beat. He's Brad's best friend. He shouldn't be here. He shouldn't be saying such things. He should not be a breath away from kissing my lips.
"You would never need to go to another man because I would never let that happen. I'd be busy loving you, taking care of you and making sure you're happy." The honesty in his eyes is too much for me to handle, and I look away. My heart breaks at the irony of this situation. Here's a man that is dying to have the chance to love this woman, but she belongs to his best friend, who doesn't even appreciate her. But they can't be together because it's wrong. Talk about fucked up timing.
"Luke...Brad is your best friend." My mind finally manages to think out loud.
"I'm sorry. I just can't help what I feel..." He closes his eyes as if he's wishing my scent didn't drive him crazy.
"Tell me what kind of man
Would treat his woman so cold
Treat you like you're nothing
When you're worth more than gold
Girl to me you're like a diamond
I love the way you shine
A hundred million dollar treasure
I'd give the world to make you mine"
"I've been dying to taste your lips..." He whispers through his ragged breath as he leans closer.
"Luke..." I try to break away from his hypnotizing gaze, but I find myself leaning closer instead. My heart and body are betraying my attempt at common sense right now, at any type of principle. The butterflies circling in the pit of my stomach are too intoxicating to shoo away, and I am thrilled to feel them again. I miss this. God, I miss this.
"Tell me to leave...if I'm wrong, tell me to leave." His voice sounds deep and velvety, like dark chocolate.
"I..." Words fail me. I feel sparks of electricity radiating from his moist, tender lips the moment it lightly grazes mine. I gasp, pulling back slightly as I search his eyes, which are drenched in emotion and desire. I didn't think it was possible for another man to make me feel like this, but...it's happening. My overwhelming urge to taste him again overpowers my ability to resist. I grab his face as I devour his mouth, feeling his arms roam up and down my back as our wet, hungry tongues find each other in a dizzying dance. Oh my God. The deeper his tongue probes inside my mouth, the more I feel it calling my moist parts, making me whimper helplessly.
"Lyn..." He groans as he pulls my bare thigh over his leg, caressing it ever so gently.
"Yeah..." I try to catch my breath, watching his hand skillfully leave a trail of tingles on my skin.
"I'd put a string of pearls
Right in your hand
Make love on a beach
Of jet black sand
Outside in the rain
We can do it all night
I'll touch all the places
He would not
And some he never knew
Would get you hot
Nothing is forbidden
When we touch"
"We can't do this..." His hand squeezes my hip as he rests his forehead on my nose. I can still smell my breath on his lips.
"What's wrong?" I gently lift his face up to search his eyes.
"You're with Brad. He's like a brother to me."
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have let this happen." I let out a deep breath as we break up the spell hovering over us.
"No, it's my fault. I shouldn't have come here."
"You're right though. I shouldn't have to go to another man."
"Don't get me wrong, you have no idea how long I've waited for this. But I'm not gonna be that kind of guy." He looks down at the floor as if he's trying to hide the disappointment in his eyes. He could have taken advantage of the situation, but he still managed to find his conscience.
"Why are you single again?" I smile, trying to coax him to look at me.